Tag Archive for: romance

Date Night with an Ostomy

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Are you feeling nervous at the thought of date night after ostomy surgery? You’re not alone. With a little planning ahead, you can be sure to have a great night out.

My first question would be, what are your plans for the evening? Plans might be different for a first date versus dining with a long-term partner or spouse. You might be considering an outdoor outing following dinner, such as a walk. Or you may need to keep in mind if there is a potential for intimacy at the end of the night.

Keep in mind where you will be throughout the evening. Will you be in a place where you won’t have access to a bathroom, or do have access, but have concerns about odor? There are certain foods or drinks that will cause an increase in output, gas and a potential embarrassing smell. Check out tips and tricks for diet here, but keep in mind that everyone will react differently; so you will need to try things out. I don’t entirely follow all the “food rules”, but I do limit carbonated drinks and monitor how much I eat. I’m lucky, my stomach can handle most foods. I do not get blockages and am not too concerned about potential odors.

If you fear odor that may accompany emptying your pouch, I recommend carrying a small bottle of odor eliminating toilet spray. You spray it in your toilet before you empty, and it helps hide the odor. Now that doesn’t solve the problem entirely, but in combination with a lubricating deodorant you can empty with more confidence.
If you do end up having a little more output than expected without access to a bathroom, I find using one of the Ostomysecrets® wraps to both hide the potential bulge from your shirt or leverage extra support in case you fear an accident. The wrap can also prevent self-consciousness if your shirt “accidentally” comes off during the date or evening.

If you are hoping to avoid the bathroom altogether, keep in mind, how much you eat will also drive output. If you eat a lot, then you could potentially be in and out of the bathroom all night.

Bottom line: plan ahead thinking about where you’re going, what your plans are and you’ll be able to face the evening with even more confidence!
~
Randy Snyder

 

Editor’s note: This article is from one of our digital sponsors, ConvaTec. Sponsor support along with donations from readers like you help to maintain our website and the free trusted resources of UOAA, a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization.

Intimate Moments

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By Ellyn Mantell morethanmyostomy.com

As an advocate and UOAA Affiliated Support Group Leader, I make it very clear that there is no question or concern that is off-topic for me, and I truly believe that since this is our “new normal” it is very important to be open about all aspects of our lives. The question that seems to most concern new ostomates is about their sexual interactions, and how their partner or future partners will react to their unique anatomy. Since I feel that our anatomy is so beautifully functional (as it may not have been for a long time) I encourage ostomates to look at their ostomy in the most positive of lights. Additionally, it is always my belief that intimacy begins and dwells in the mind, rather than the body.

UOAA President Susan Burns had ileostomy surgery at 36 and knows how important being open about intimacy concerns is. “This is a topic that needs to be discussed but is not addressed enough by health care professionals so it is important to read our guide, find peer-support, or a support group member that is comfortable discussing it,” Susan says.

I believe that intimacy is a beautiful gift one gives to another, and sex is only one meaningful part of the intimate moments people share. I also believe that being intimate with another is a means of communication, a sharing, of thoughts and feelings. This positive reflection of our emotions and adoration for our partner is what bolsters a relationship.

For over two decades, my body was in turmoil, and although I wasn’t faced with a pouch on my abdomen, feeling “sexy” was a transient and very much undependable feeling. Bowel obstructions, bloating, worry all interfered with a positive outlook for intimacy. Couple that with a busy life struggling to be productive in between the medical episodes, and my intestine certainly held me hostage.

My 23rd abdominal surgery, my ileostomy, helped me to begin to have a more predictable life. I am comforted in the knowledge that I function differently, but it is dependable. No longer expecting to be hospitalized on a regular basis, I am free to be productive in so many ways…support groups, motivational speaking, my writing, seeing my family and friends.

The key, however, to the conversations I have with ostomates regarding their own intimacy is to be totally candid with them. Here is what I say…if you are blessed to love and adore your partner, who loves and adores you, then you will travel the road to a joyful connection, enjoying the closeness that you share because you are able to do so. You have the ability to dance together and move together as never before, all the while knowing that your bond is even stronger than you ever thought possible. You are amongst those of us who know that intimacy, that beautiful gift we give each other begins in the mind, and the body just follows along.

Editor’s note. For a complete intimacy and sexuality guide that addresses both physical and emotional issues click here. UOAA’s National Conference in August will also have an expert session on sexuality and frank conversations on the topic for ostomates and a separate meeting space for partners.