The Architecture of Caregiving: Holding the Line When the Current Is Deep

, , , , , , , ,

By Amy Shulfer, RN, MSN, CWON

When medical professionals think about healthcare, our minds naturally drift to the clinical milestones: the successful surgeries, the mastered appliance changes, the stable lab results, and the healing margins of a physical wound. Since 2003, I have spent over two decades navigating these exact clinical spaces as a certified Wound and Ostomy nurse. I know the rhythm of the hospital floor, the precision of a dressing change, and the vital importance of proper patient education.

But there is an entire world of caregiving that happens outside the clean boundaries of a hospital room. It is the invisible architecture of care—the emotional, mental, and spiritual infrastructure required to support a loved one through a chronic diagnosis, a new ostomy, or a long-term illness.

And it is a world I know intimately, not just as a nurse, but as a daughter.

For years, my family lived in the relentless “current” of illness. I navigated my own journey with ulcerative colitis, watched my mother courageously battle multiple sclerosis, and stood beside my father through his own significant health crises, including his journey with an ostomy. In that quiet, heavy space of family caregiving, the clinical boundaries blurred. I wasn’t just checking vitals or ordering supplies; I was holding the hand of the people who raised me, watching the roles reverse, and wondering how to keep from drowning in the exhaustion.

The Myth of the “Perfect Caregiver”

If you are currently caring for a spouse, a parent, or a child navigating an intestinal or urinary diversion, you likely know the weight of the phrase, “I’m fine.”

Caregivers are notorious for wearing a mask of absolute strength. We believe that to be a good caregiver, we must be unbreakable. We tell ourselves that our exhaustion is a sign of failure, that our moments of frustration mean we aren’t loving enough, and that asking for help is an admission of defeat.

But human structural integrity isn’t built to hold up a house alone during a storm.

In my years at both the professional bedside and the personal bedside, I have learned that the emotional toll of caregiving is often heavier than the physical labor. It is the constant undercurrent of anticipatory grief, the anxiety of the unknown, and the profound isolation of feeling like no one truly understands the day-to-day reality of your home.

When my family’s health trials were at their heaviest, I had to completely re-evaluate what it meant to love and serve through hardship. I had to learn that real love isn’t defined by the easy things—the laughter, the vacations, or the quiet moments of comfort.

Here is an excerpt from my memoir, Carried Through, where I had to put words to this exact breaking point:

“I never imagined that faith and suffering would be so intertwined. When I was younger, I thought faith meant believing that everything would turn out okay, that prayers for healing would be answered, that pain would be temporary, and that miracles would come if I just believed hard enough. But life reshapes faith, especially when sickness, caregiving, and loss become part of your daily reality.

I have lived with chronic illness. I have watched my parents battle diseases. I have lost dear friends far too soon. I have sat beside a dying patient, feeling the mystery of a soul departing from its earthly body… We think love is the easy things: the laughter, the vacations, the way someone holds your hand in a crowded room. But real love is steadier than that. Real love shows up with steady hands on the hardest days.”

Finding Your Anchor in the Storm

If you are a caregiver reading this today and your hands feel anything but steady, please hear me: You do not have to swim alone. Loving someone who is suffering is a sacred calling, but it requires a community to sustain it.

To help anchor your heart when the current feels too deep, I want to share three practical, grounding truths that saved me during my family’s darkest valleys:

  1. Give Up the Control, Keep the Faith

Much of a caregiver’s anxiety comes from trying to control outcomes we cannot touch. We cannot force a wound to heal faster, and we cannot predict every complication. Realizing that you are not the grand architect of the universe is not a failure, it is a liberation. It allows you to focus strictly on the next hour, the next step, and the next breath, trusting that there is a steady presence holding the rest together.

  1. Embrace the “Breath Prayer”

When you are sitting in a sterile hospital waiting room or dealing with a difficult appliance leak at 2:00 AM, a long, elegant prayer feels completely out of reach. In those moments, give yourself permission to use “breath prayers”, short, simple cries of the heart that can be spoken in a single inhale and exhale.

(Inhale) Lord, give me Your strength… (Exhale) For this next step.

(Inhale) I cannot hold this… (Exhale) But You can.

  1. Lean on Specialized Advocacy

You cannot be the medical expert, the emotional rock, and the logistical coordinator all at once without resources. Organizations like the United Ostomy Associations of America (UOAA) exist precisely because this journey requires structural support. Whether it is finding a local support group, accessing educational material that takes the mystery out of a new stoma, or connecting with an ostomy outpatient clinic, utilizing these tools is an act of strength, not weakness.

You Are Still Being Carried

To the caregiver standing at the bedside today, the one navigating the heavy silence of a changing diagnosis, or the one balancing your own health battles while supporting someone else: your identity is not defined by the illness in the room. You are more than a patient, and you are more than a caregiver.

Even on the days when you feel creased, folded, and entirely spent, your service is seen. Your quiet resilience is creating a legacy of love that endures far beyond the clinical challenges. Take a breath, allow yourself to be human, and remember that even when you don’t have the strength to carry the weight, you are being safely carried through.

 

Amy Shulfer, RN, MSN, CWON, is the author of the new memoir, Carried Through: A Daughter’s Reflections of Love, Loss, and the God Who Carries Us, available on Amazon. She is also the creator of the YouTube channel “Ostomy Care with Angel Face Amy,” where she shares practical advice, clinical advocacy, and heartfelt encouragement for the IBD and ostomy community.

How an ostomy can bring couples closer together

, , , , ,

While managing a serious illness and ostomy surgery can be a brutal reality, many couples find the experience transforms their relationships for the better, replacing trivial arguments with deep appreciation and forging an unbreakable bond built on acceptance.

By H. Dennis Beaver, Esq.

Suppose we were having a cup of coffee in my office, and I asked you, “Can you think of something really good about having bladder cancer?” You would probably look at me as if I had a screw loose.

Well, the response I’ve received from couples who read our recent article We’ve Survived Bladder Cancer, But Live With the Effects of Surgery. Tough Love Isn’t What We Need is proof that something indeed very good can result despite the tragedy of experiencing this life-altering disease.

Within hours of the article being online, emails and phone calls arrived from people affected by bladder cancer, including the spouses of attorneys (lots of attorneys), business executives, retired military, law enforcement — people used to being in charge — who had the same message:

Having bladder cancer made them — or me, depending on who reached out — a better spouse. The readers talked about how their spouse stopped being their work self at home, arguing over little, stupid, petty things. They were more appreciative of their spouse than they had been in years.

“Mr. Beaver,” one woman said, “bladder cancer brought us closer, and we both had a lot to learn. Would you please address these important issues?”

So I spoke with Dr. Patricia Pedreira, a postdoctoral associate at Duke University School of Medicine specializing in psycho-oncology. She works with cancer patients and their families, navigating the psychological impact of diagnosis, treatment and survivorship. This is a summary of our interview. (Have a box of Kleenex nearby. I’m glad that I did.)

Bringing couples closer together

The daily realities of living with a urostomy can either drive couples apart or bring them closer together. The difference often comes down to how the partner responds in their spouse’s most vulnerable moments.

High-achieving spouses frequently tell me the same thing: I realized my behavior was hurting my spouse at a time when that was the last thing I wanted to do.

How small things suddenly matter

Bladder cancer recalibrates what’s considered worthy conflict. Couples describe how arguments that used to dominate their relationship (finances, household tasks, who said what) suddenly feel absurdly trivial.

When you’re dealing with the daily reality of an ostomy, who forgot to take out the trash doesn’t register anymore.

Also, small kindnesses become massive. Such as when a spouse keeps extra supplies stocked without being asked. Or warms the bathroom before a pouch change in winter. Or doesn’t wrinkle their nose or look away.

These gestures communicate acceptance and love more powerfully than any words.

Partners also notice what you don’t do. Such as not complaining about middle-of-the-night accidents. Not making a big deal about canceled plans because of not feeling well. What a spouse doesn’t say speaks volumes.

Identity and dignity

Losing bladder function strips away dignity in a way that’s hard to describe if you haven’t experienced it. The person may feel like less of an adult, less of a partner, less attractive, less capable. These feelings are real and valid.

As their spouse, it’s not your job to talk them out of these feelings. It’s to show them through your actions that you still see them as your partner, not a patient. You still find them attractive. You still respect them. You still want to build a life with them.

This means maintaining aspects of your relationship that have nothing to do with cancer or the ostomy.

  • Keep watching your show together
  • Keep your Sunday morning coffee ritual
  • Keep planning for the future
  • Don’t let “bladder cancer patient” become their entire identity in your eyes or in the relationship.

How bladder cancer can strengthen a marriage

Shared vulnerability creates connection. When your spouse responds with compassion instead of disgust at your most vulnerable moments, you realize they aren’t going anywhere. That acceptance builds trust that many couples never experience.

Trivial conflicts disappear. Arguments about money or household tasks feel absurd when you’re dealing with real problems. This clarity leads to less conflict and more appreciation.

You become a team. Managing ostomy care together as a shared challenge creates a genuinely collaborative partnership.

Crisis reveals character. Watching your spouse show up for accidents and breakdowns without resentment shows you who they really are. Many people fall in love all over again.

You stop taking each other for granted. Facing mortality makes couples more present, more grateful and less interested in grudges. When time feels finite, you stop wasting it on pettiness.

The challenges are real and brutal. But many couples find the “bladder cancer experience” strengthened their marriage. They become more honest, more compassionate and more certain of each other.

When to seek professional support

For the person with bladder cancer, watch for signs that your grief and adjustment have shifted into clinical depression or anxiety:

  • Persistent sadness that doesn’t lift even briefly
  • Loss of interest in things that used to bring comfort
  • Pervasive hopelessness
  • Significant changes in sleep or appetite beyond what treatment explains
  • Constant intrusive worry about the ostomy failing or people noticing

For partners, watch for the following in yourself:

  • Resentment that won’t go away
  • Constant irritation with your spouse
  • Avoiding physical closeness
  • Feeling trapped or overwhelmed by caregiver responsibilities

These are signs that you need support.

Mental health care is part of comprehensive cancer care, not a luxury or admission of weakness. Most cancer centers have psycho-oncology services or social workers who can refer you to therapists experienced in helping people adjust to life with an ostomy.

Both patients and caregivers benefit from this support.

Therapy gives you tools to process the grief, anger, fear and adjustment challenges that you can’t get from well-meaning friends or support groups alone.

It’s a space to be honest about how hard the situation is without worrying about burdening anyone.

What I tell couples

You don’t have to be inspirational. Some days, you’ll cope well with the ostomy. Other days, you won’t. Both are okay.

Practice self-compassion. Treat yourself with the same kindness you’d offer a friend navigating this. Don’t beat yourself up for feeling grief, frustration or anger about losing normal bladder function.

These feelings don’t mean you’re weak or ungrateful to be alive. They mean you’re human.

For partners: Don’t beat yourself up for finding the situation difficult. Watching someone you love struggle is painful. Having your life disrupted by middle-of-the-night accidents and medical complications is legitimately difficult. Acknowledging that doesn’t make you selfish.

Find small moments of normalcy and connection even in the hardest stretches:

  • A conversation that has nothing to do with cancer
  • A meal you both enjoy
  • A moment of laughter

Something that reminds you you’re still you, still a couple, still capable of joy even in the middle of something that’s hard to deal with.

If you’re struggling, ask for help. You don’t have to figure this out alone.

Readers can contact Dr. Pedreira at pedreirp@gmail.com. Thank you for sharing about these important issues for both the caregiver and their loved one. 

H. Dennis Beaver, Esq. is in the general practice of law and writes a syndicated newspaper column, You and the Law. Through his column, he offers readers in need of down-to-earth advice his help free of charge. “I know it sounds corny, but I just love to be able to use my education and experience to help, simply to help. When a reader contacts me, it is a gift.” Thanks to the author for sharing his article with UOAA and the ostomy community!

 

 

Gloria the Phoenix

, , , , ,

Remembering Gloria by Bob Kwiatkowski

Gloria and I met by chance in November of 1969. I was driving with a friend down 8 mile road in Detroit. Gloria was with two of her friends in a car that passed us by. We caught up and started flirting with them.

I asked if they would want to meet us at a popular pizza place in Detroit.

We were surprised that they did meet us there. While my friend talked to Gloria’s two friends I talked to her. Within minutes I thought “I want to Marry this girl” She bowled me over.

We went out every day afterward and three days later, I asked her to marry me. She said “Yes but I have to tell you something, I have an ostomy.” Gloria went on to explain that she was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis at six years old. She said that she spent a lot of time worrying about where the bathrooms were, what she ate, etc. her sisters said that she was always in and out of a Children’s Hospital.

She was later properly diagnosed with Crohn’s disease. She said the surgery totally changed her life for the better, she put on weight was able to eat things she never could before. I didn’t fully understand it but I told her that if it saved her life, it was sure worth it.

Embracing Life

She was her senior class President, the first female class president. She graduated with Honors from Wayne State University and she worked for the Michigan Cancer Society for over forty years (later renamed the Karmanos Cancer Institute)

We married in 1971 and had 54 totally awesome years together.

I loved and was blessed with a wonderful women– who just happened to have a stoma.

She was so much fun. We both loved live music and attended over 100 concerts in life. She was my concert buddy.

We’re big Detroit football fans and have had Lions season tickets for 45+ years. Gloria was my Lions Football buddy.

I learned about Rolf Benirschke’s organization in the Phoenix Magazine. We were huge fans. We watched many of his games as an NFL placekicker. I was able to contact and talk to him and it is great to see all he has accomplished since.

Medical Challenges

Gloria had 28 major surgeries in life, breast cancer, a total hysterectomy, and many stoma revisions including one in 2000 at the Cleveland Clinic. Peritonitis twice, nothing ever got her down, she was always positive. Always joking with the doctors and nurses prior to and after surgery.

Gloria always worried about everyone but herself. She had four sisters and they’ve all been healthy, Gloria told me she was glad that she got everything rather than her sisters.

She loved UOAA and the Crohn’s and Colitis foundation. She volunteered with the local chapter in her younger days.

Caregiving

Luckily, I learned how to change her ostomy pouch. Gloria was in and out of hospitals in her last year, she died from a fungal infection that did not respond to anti-fungal’s. Gloria was on Imuran for 30 years, it really helped with Crohn’s flair ups but infectious disease Docs felt it allowed the fungus to roost in her body. The fungus was first spotted in one of Gloria’s lungs in 2022, Dyflucam took care of it but was not effective when it returned in 2023/24.

What really surprised me was the lack of knowledge concerning ostomies by nurses and aides. I would often return to the hospital and rehab center at all hours to help her change, to empty her pouch etc. I considered it an honor to be able to help her. Not everyone was like that. Nurses told me there is not much time spent in Nursing Schools regarding ostomies and their care.

I joined a private Ostomy Facebook group and it deeply saddens me that folks have such a negative attitude there toward life with an ostomy. Our life together was awesome, and she was an amazing wife, and I think people should know their lives are not over.

A Phoenix

Gloria was a huge Harry Potter fan and she loved “The Order of the Phoenix” a secret organization that fights evil. I ordered a shirt with their crest and asked them to change the date from 1971 to 1967, the year Gloria had her surgery she always said it saved her life. She considered “67” to be her lucky number.

It’s great to be able to recognize Gloria in UOAA’s Phoenix Society  and with a donation in her honor, advance a mission of ostomy education, support and advocacy.

We also LOVED the Phoenix magazine and will miss it, but think she would be pleased that this article could be something positive for other ostomates to enjoy.

May wife had many medical issues during her life but she faced each challenge with a smile, joking and always positive.

She was always there for me and loved by many. There were over 200 people at her funeral. We’re Catholic and I consider Gloria my greatest blessing in life by far.

I loved and was blessed with a wonderful women– who just happened to have a stoma.

4 things everyone should know about ostomy bags

, , , , , , , ,

You’ve heard the myths about ostomy bags. They’re smelly. Leaky. A dreaded last resort no one would ever choose.

These myths—old, untrue, and stubborn—keep stigma alive. They tell a story that says ostomy bags are something to hide. Something to be ashamed of. Something to avoid or pity. Fueling careless jokes and bleak portrayals, the myths strip away the complexity of ostomy life and reduce it to a sad, lonely struggle.

But ostomy bags are not tragedies. They are not cheap punchlines or secrets to carry in shame. For 725,000 to 1 million people in the United States alone, ostomies are lifelines—tools of survival and symbols of strength. Ostomies make it possible for people to keep living when illness, injury, or pain have tried to take that away.

It’s time to change the conversation. Here are four things everyone should know about ostomy bags and the people wearing them.

1) Myth: An ostomy is a worst-case scenario.
Truth: An ostomy may save and improve lives in ways people don’t often expect.

Ostomy surgery is often framed as a tragedy. Some say they’d rather die than have one. Others insist they could never live like that. Others still tilt their heads with misplaced sympathy: I’m so sorry you have to wear that. Is it temporary?

Underneath these comments is the unspoken belief that an ostomy is a fate so grim, it should be avoided at all costs.

But here’s what people don’t see: An ostomy can give life back. For so many, it means meals without pain or fear. Days without the clench of needing a bathroom now. The relief of a body no longer ruled by urgency, accidents, and the constant worry that public outings will end in embarrassment.

For those with Crohn’s disease or ulcerative colitis, an ostomy may be what breaks the relentless cycle of flares, medications, and hospital stays. For those with colorectal or bladder cancer, it can be a turning point in removing disease and reclaiming the body. For these and so many other people—those with diverticulitis, traumatic injuries, congenital conditions—an ostomy can be a doorway to fully living.

This isn’t about pretending that life with an ostomy is perfect. It’s about telling the whole truth. Yes, an ostomy can change things. Yes, there may be moments of frustration, doubt, or grief. But for so many ostomates, there is also freedom, relief, and possibility.

And that is anything but the worst.

2) Myth: Ostomies are only for older people.
Truth: Ostomies are for anyone who needs them, from babies to the elderly.

When people hear the word ostomy, they may picture this: an older person in a hospital gown, frail and confined to a bed. But ostomies aren’t just for old age, and they certainly aren’t just for hospitals.

They are for living—for anyone whose body needs a different way forward.

Ostomies are for:

  • The baby born with a condition requiring immediate intervention
  • The toddler whose parents mastered ostomy bag changes before potty training
  • The child with a backpack of homework, snacks, and ostomy supplies
  • The teenager balancing WOC appointments with school, friendships, and first dates
  • The new parent learning to care for a baby while relearning to care for themselves
  • The professional navigating a medical curveball at the height of their career
  • The grandparent chasing after grandkids, refusing to slow down
  • And yes, older individuals who have lived through it all

Ostomies belong to every age and every stage of life. When we widen the lens, we find them at playgrounds and in boardrooms, at first dates and family vacations, in classrooms and grocery store aisles.

We create space for anyone with an ostomy who wonders if there’s someone out there like them. We show them the truth: no matter their age, no matter where they are in life, they are not alone.

3) Myth: No one will love you with an ostomy.
Truth: Love is so much bigger than a bag.

Many ostomates fear they’ll never find someone who sees beyond their ostomy bag. The questions linger between swipes, dates, and hesitant disclosures. When do I bring it up? How will they react? They wonder if the moment they say ostomy bag, there will be an awkward pause and silent calculation that it’s just too much.

Some wish they had fallen in love before surgery—so they wouldn’t have to explain. So the love would already be there, solid and secure. So they wouldn’t have to brace for the moment someone sees the bag and decides whether they can “handle it.”

Even those in relationships may wrestle with doubt. Will my partner still want me? Still find me attractive? Can I trust when they say that this doesn’t change anything?

An ostomy adds another layer to intimacy and relationships. Some potential partners do flinch. Some hesitate. Some don’t know what to say, or they say the wrong thing, or they give a look that stings. (This is stigma in action.)

But love—the kind worth having—is not that fragile. It is not scared of an ostomy bag. And there’s more of that love out there than people think.

People find love at every stage of their ostomy journey. Some before surgery, with partners who sit beside them in hospital rooms, proving that for better or worse isn’t just a phrase. Others after, when they are finally well enough to show up fully in their lives—embracing a love that doesn’t come despite the ostomy, but because of the space it created for healing and wholeness.

Bag or no bag, love is about connection—truly seeing and being seen. And the partners of ostomates prove every day that it’s actually not about looking past the bag at all. They see the bag. They honor it. Not as an obstacle, but as a mark of their partner’s resilience, vulnerability, courage, and strength.

And those are qualities worth loving.

4) Myth: You can tell if someone has an ostomy bag.
Truth: With the right products and care, ostomies often go unnoticed.

People with ostomies are everywhere: at work, at the gym, on dates, in line at the coffee shop. Chances are, most people have met someone with an ostomy without ever realizing it. They’ve stood next to them, shook their hands, shared a laugh—and never knew.

That’s because ostomy bags are not what people think. They’re not open or exposed. They’re not constantly leaking odor or waste in public. In fact, many ostomy bags don’t even resemble the crinkly, medical-looking pouches of the past. Today, there are options designed for discretion and comfort. Sight, sound, scent? All covered. Most of the time, an ostomy is invisible unless the person wearing it chooses to share.

For those who do experience leakage or complications with their ostomy, or just prefer an extra layer of discretion, there are options. A change in products or routine, a wardrobe shift—adjustments that restore comfort and control because people with ostomies aren’t meant to live in constant worry. If someone wants discretion, it can be theirs.

The truth about ostomy myths

Ostomy myths don’t just mislead; they shape lives. They seep into conversations, assumptions, and even the way people see themselves. They chip away at confidence, making it harder for those with ostomies to fully show up in their lives. They feed fear in those facing surgery, delaying care and prolonging suffering. And for everyone else, they can reinforce the dangerous idea that some bodies are more worthy than others.

An ostomy bag doesn’t shrink a person’s worth. It doesn’t make them any less strong, less capable, or less deserving of love and respect.

Because a person with an ostomy is not their bag. No matter who they are—no matter when, how, or why they got their ostomy—they are so much more.

 

Coloplast develops products and services that make life easier for people with intimate healthcare needs. Working closely with the people who use our products, we create solutions that are sensitive to their special needs. Our business includes ostomy care, continence care, advanced wound care, interventional urology, and voice & respiratory care.

Follow Coloplast on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube, or visit us online at https://www.coloplast.us/

Author’s note: This blog primarily uses the term “ostomy bag” to reflect how the author describes her own pouching system—a functional, everyday part of her life. While the intent is to reclaim the word “bag” from its negative associations, we recognize that others advocate for alternative terms like “ostomy pouch.” Whenever possible, please ask those with ostomies about the language they prefer. 

Editor’s note: This blog is from a UOAA digital sponsor, Coloplast. Sponsor support along with donations from readers like you help to maintain our website and the free trusted resources of UOAA, a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization.

 

Don’t Miss UOAA’s 2025 Conference ~ A Whole New World

, , , , , ,

By Cheryl Ory, UOAA President and Conference Chair

Attending UOAA’s 9th National Conference can be transforming for so many new ostomates. Knowing they are not alone can make a positive impact in their new world of living with an ostomy or continent diversion. It’s also a great way for previous attendees to reconnect to those they’ve met and found friendship with over the years while continuing to gain knowledge.

You’re invited to join us on August 14-16, 2025, for UOAA’s 9th National Conference at the lovely Hyatt Regency Grand Cypress Resort in Orlando, Florida.

We know how important it is for the ostomy community to come together, share life experiences, learn valuable information from experts in the field, and talk to vendors about their products and services. Our attendees can also consult with a WOC Nurse, maybe for the first time in years. And let’s not forget the social events that are a must at every conference. Making time for you to network, laugh and enjoy each other’s company is also one of our goals, which this year includes celebrating UOAA’s 20th Anniversary of supporting the community!

A Program with Something for Everyone

Our 2025 conference educational program schedule will not only focus on the physical aspects of having an ostomy or continent diversion, but the emotional and mental health challenges that many may experience as well. We’ve lined up a number of inspirational speakers who will cover the psychological needs of an ostomate both pre and post-op; envisioning life with an ostomy; overcoming PTSD, and how new ostomates can find their way forward with an ostomy. Diet and nutrition, health, fitness and active living, sexuality and intimacy, body image and wardrobe tips will also be discussed by fellow ostomates and experts in the field. And these are just a few of the sessions that you can choose from throughout the conference!

On Thursday afternoon and Friday morning our Exhibit Hall will be open, a must for the entire ostomy community!

Kimberly Holiday Coleman ,left, will be back with a session on Body Image that will have everyone feeling good!

Our keynote speaker is a secret right now, but you won’t be disappointed when they appear on stage at our opening ceremony on Thursday morning. So make sure to join us as we come together to welcome the ostomy community to this unique event.

First-time attendees will be welcomed with an orientation session and surgery-specific basic sessions offered on Thursday. You’ll not only learn about your type of ostomy, but you’ll also have the opportunity to meet and chat with ‘ostomy buddies’, fellow ostomates who have attended before. They’ll be happy to show you the ropes to ensure you have the best conference experience. 

There will also be three special sessions designed for our Affiliated Support Group (ASG) Leaders as well as an educational track and open discussions addressing the needs of the younger population of ostomates in attendance. We are also offering 4 sessions for medical professionals, which will also be eligible for CE credits. And let’s not forget caregivers; where would our community be without them? On Friday morning they will have the opportunity to attend sessions with fellow caregivers, as well as a mental health professional who will discuss coping with the stress of being a caregiver.

You’ll not only learn about your type of ostomy, but you’ll also have the opportunity to meet and chat with ‘ostomy buddies’, fellow ostomates who have attended before.

On Thursday afternoon and Friday morning our Exhibit Hall will be open, a must for the entire ostomy community! We anticipate over 40 vendors will be there to visit with you and share any new products they are offering, services they provide, clothing and accessories available in today’s market, and much more. We’ll be serving a complimentary boxed lunch on Friday before the Exhibit Hall closes at 1pm for you to enjoy.

You can also schedule a 1-hour consultation with a WOC Nurse at our Free Stoma Clinic through our Mobile App. Appointments are available all day Thursday and Friday and Saturday morning (Clinic will close at Noon).

Speaking of our Mobile App, you’ll receive an email to download the App, sign into our unique event, and set up your profile about 2 weeks before the Conference. You can view the schedule and bios of our speakers, check out the exhibitors and where they are located in the Exhibit Hall, connect with “ostomy buddies” and network with fellow attendees, join a Focus Group with one of our Sponsors and more.

Fun Social Events

This year’s closing night event will have a Mad Hatter theme!

Explore Orlando and enjoy dinner out on Thursday night, and then stop by the President’s Reception to meet our co-founder, Ken Aukett, myself, our new President Elect, Bob Baker, as well as UOAA’s Staff and Board of Directors. Enjoy a yummy dessert and beverage as we celebrate our 20th Anniversary with a special toast that evening.

On Friday, before heading to dinner, you are invited to a special UOAA fundraising event, a “Hole in One Golf Putting Contest”. Enjoy a cold glass of lemonade, visit with new and old friends, and try your hand at putting! Who knows, you may get lucky and win the prize, all while raising money to help support UOAA’s programs and services. If you’re not up to going out on Friday night, we are also planning an indoor activity to be announced soon. 

As we wrap up the Conference, Saturday night will not disappoint with our “Mad Hatter Ball”. You’ll enjoy a few scrumptious treats and there will be a cash bar for cold drinks, as well as coffee and tea served. Think about wearing a themed costume or fun hat to the event, and dance the night away to the DJ we have lined up! What a great way to say goodbye to those you’ve just met, and to someone who may now be a forever friend. 

Make it a Vacation with Family or Friends

What a great opportunity to meet fellow ostomates in-person that you’ve only met online while you attend UOAA’s 9th National Conference. Stay a few days earlier or after the conference and enjoy what the Resort has to offer with family and/or friends.

The Hyatt Regency Grand Cypress Resort is a family-friendly resort on a lake with water sports and features a fabulous lagoon style pool with a water slide, (I can picture myself lounging in one of those cabanas after all our hard work to put on this conference is done) A shuttle bus is available to area theme parks and it is within a 5-minute drive of Disney Springs™ and shopping. There are also 3 on-site restaurants as well as a grab and go market.

Golfers can enjoy proximity to two, 18-hole Jack Nicklaus-designed golf courses.

UOAA has made arrangements with the Hyatt Regency Grand Cypress Resort to provide the same Guest Room Rate, $149 per night plus taxes, for single through quadruple occupancy, starting on Tuesday, August 12th, through Monday, August 18th. Make a reservation at the special UOAA Link or call and Provide code “MB18” and the Resort Fee is waived for our group, a $49 per room per day savings!

Stay a few days earlier or after the conference and enjoy what the Resort has to offer…

Register Today!

Register by May 31st to attend at the ‘Early Bird’ rate, a $30 savings! You can also make your reservations at the Resort all in one place – www.ostomy.org/conference2025/. We will continue to update this webpage, including our Program Schedule, as it continues to come together. Please note some of the information shared in this article is subject to change, so please visit the webpage often leading up to the Conference.

We hope to see you in August as we explore this Whole New World!

My UOAA Story- Stanley Cooper

, , , , , ,

20 years ago, UOAA formed and continued a legacy of advocacy and support for the ostomy community.

I had my Ostomy Surgery in 1992 due to ulcerative colitis. At that time the national organization for our community was the United Ostomy Associations (UOA). Around that time UOA was working on a project to increase the allowable amount of ostomy supplies a person can order. They wanted to double the amount that a person could order, because if a patient had skin problems or leakage problems a person would need more supplies than normal.  As it stood the allowable wasn’t enough and if a person needed more they had to be paid for out of pocket and UOA members were calling to see if something could be done. That was the start of the Advocacy program at UOA.

When UOA folded in 2005 former members put together the new organization, United Ostomy Associations of America (UOAA) it was determined that the new organization would have an Advocacy Program from the start. That was a confirmation to us all, as to how important an advocacy program is to UOAA and its members. Today, that legacy continues with an active advocacy network and national advocacy goals everyone should be involved with.

When I had my surgery, I was a married man with four daughters and worried about the future and whether I would be able to provide for them. My ET Nurse (Entrostomal Therapist), today’s WOC Nurse, gave my wife information on the local support group. My wife and I attended a meeting and after talking to a few attendees, I began to feel a lot better about myself.  I was so appreciative of the Information that I had received that I decided I needed to do more and at the next meeting, they had sample letters that they were asking people to type up and send to their senators. One member brought the letter back after a UOA National Conference and made copies of it. My brother had given me his old computer and printer so I retyped the letter up and printed out 50 copies, printed out envelopes and donated the stamps to send them for the group. All someone would have to do is sign the letter, put it in the envelope and mail it.  After that, the board of directors of the support group asked me and my wife to join their board. We gladly accepted.

We went to two of our first national conferences in 1995, what an eye-opener for both of us. there were so many sessions that both of us wanted to attend but couldn’t make it to all of them because some were at the same time, so my wife said,” how about we split up and report back to each other at the end of the day.” It was fantastic. A few years later UOA decided it was going to dissolve. We were devastated.

During the holiday season Stanley Cooper enjoys playing Santa Claus in the Philadelphia area.

We thought we were going to our last conference in Anaheim, California when it was announced that a new organization was forming. That was a huge relief to me and my family to know that there would be a national organization with the same values as the former organization to fulfill the emotional needs and be able to help any future family members or friends that someday may find out that they need to have an ostomy.

UOAA has continued the tradition and I was honored to volunteer when it came to Philadelphia in 2019. This year UOAA is hosting its 9th National Conference August 14-16, 2025 in Orlando, Florida.

Today UOAA also has an outstanding website here with ostomy.org that patients and medical professionals can go to and print out information on ostomy management and more. This is a huge help to new ostomy patients and ostomates who have had their ostomies for a while and are having problems can solve it on their own or postpone their need until they can get to see a doctor or WOC Nurse.

UOAA also has a Network of Affiliated Support Groups around the country where patients can go to a meeting and talk to other ostomates about having an ostomy, get answers to their questions such as will I be able to return to work? What type of clothing will I be able to wear? Will I be able to have relations with my husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend or significant other? Just some of the questions that have come out and there are hundreds more. Local Support Groups are vital to all ostomy patients and can be found on UOAA’s website with their support group finder.

Ostomies are lifesavers and I’ve been active in my retirement as a bakery worker and have gotten to serve as a Santa Claus in my community around Philadelphia.

We continue to support Ostomy Awareness Day each year and also any advocacy actions we can take on a state or local level. We’re all lucky UOAA is here for our community. Happy 20th Anniversary!

If you’d like to share a story about how UOAA has helped you or others in the past 20 years with ostomy advocacy, support, educational resources, events or more- email us at info@ostomy.org

BELIEVE in the Unseen Magic of All the Holidays and UOAA Advocacy

, , , , , ,

“To believe in the things you can see and touch is no belief at all. But to believe in the unseen is a triumph and a blessing.” – Abraham Lincoln

By Jeanine Gleba, UOAA Advocacy Manager

UOAA’s Advocacy Committee and grassroots advocates were busy in 2024. We do all sorts of advocacy work throughout the year for the ostomy and continent diversion communities. A lot of our advocacy work is unseen, but you should know it is there.

For example behind the scenes we supported several efforts with other coalitions and like-minded patient organizations by signing onto ten different letters that were sent to Congress many with positive results and we had several open action alerts on our advocacy platform supporting Federal legislation. We also continue to advocate with the Access and Care Coalition in our efforts with the Medical Directors from the Centers of Medicare and Medicaid Services (CMS) to make improvements to the ostomy policies and processes in particular for those beneficiaries who medically need greater quantities of products than what is allowable under the current policy.  We won’t stop until this is resolved.  Another example has been challenges with billing codes that were approved by CMS a couple of years ago for irrigation sleeves, but Medicare beneficiaries have been unable to get the quantities they need. Using the misleading CMS quantity chart, suppliers are interpreting the quantity of “1” as 1, each.  However, the 1 actually represents a 1 month supply.  For reusable sleeves this equates to 4 sleeves per month and for disposable sleeves it is the quantity that the beneficiary needs. UOAA worked with the CMS billing contractor Noridian to help clarify this to ensure irrigators obtain the supplies they need.  Together we wrote this announcement that was sent to the supplier community for many weeks in 2024 and it was included in Noridian’s weekly Monday educational series.  

Speaking of holiday wishes, have you ever wished there was an outpatient ostomy clinic near you but didn’t know where to look? In 2024 UOAA’s Advocacy Committee unveiled a new “Outpatient Ostomy Services Locator” with close to 700 listings. 

“This directory, a resource that will enhance an ostomate’s recovery and get them back to their life, is just what the doctor ordered,” -Guy Orangio, MD, FACS, FASCRS

If you still can’t find a place for ostomy care and want to do something good for the ostomy community in your area, consider working with a local Affiliated Support Group leader or local hospital and/or ostomy nurse to open one – learn how to with UOAA’s new course Roadmap to Establishing Outpatient Ostomy Services which was released in 2024…and better still we have partnered with AppleTree CEU and now offer free Continuing Education credit.

Internally we revamped the advocacy priority webpage on ostomy.org to make it easier for you to know what our primary issues are and where we stand. View it here.

Did you see our new advocacy resources created in 2024? One of the newer advocacy campaigns is advocating to stop the practice of non-medical switching of ostomy supplies. You can learn more and see the resources we created on this new webpage. This year for Ostomy Awareness Day we created a new toolkit on how to obtain a Governor proclamation. As a result, thanks to our grassroots advocates half of the United States obtained proclamations!

On top of that we continue to make strides in the efforts to improve coverage and access to ostomy supplies in state Medicaid plans. Throughout 2024 we shared when Idaho, Maryland and New York made such improvements. 

We’ve also seen our advocacy work influence others and in 2024 our Ostomy and Continent Diversion Patient Bill of Rights were the model for the Intermittent Catheterisation Clinical Practice Principles. They were also used in soon-to-be-published research to improve patient outcomes and a colorectal surgeon fellow is now ensuring these best practices are being provided to ostomy patients in a North Carolina VA hospital. Slowly but surely, we are making a difference!

Lastly, our advocacy team contributed 10 blogs to ostomy.org to educate ostomates, keep people informed and inspire others.

And for those looking for a peek into the future:

As part of UOAA’s ongoing efforts to advocate for more ostomy nurses and increase ostomy education with medical professionals, in early 2024 we proposed a collaborative effort between UOAA and the Wound Ostomy Continence Nurses Society®. Together we designed a fun and exciting campaign entitled “Back to Your Nursing Roots” to encourage nurses with an ostomy certification to return to their nursing roots and plant ostomy seeds with new nursing students! We are currently in the pilot test phase with 12 certified ostomy nurses. The campaign will “bloom” in March 2025! 

Believe in us. Most importantly, when you believe in yourself magic can happen.

Our Ostomy Story- Chris and Alexa

, , , ,

A couple’s story of Crohn’s disease, caregiving, and family

Our battle with Crohn’s disease began back in the spring of 2006, one week after we started dating in high school. I was 16, and my now husband, Chris, was 17. We first met each other on the tennis court a few years before this- a love we still share to this day. Being just 16 and surrounded by a relatively healthy family, I had never experienced the wrath of any chronic illness, personally or by association. Chris had also been a healthy kid, which is why he and his parents found his worsening symptoms to be so alarming. As teenagers, we didn’t yet realize he had a serious condition that would need managed for the rest of our lives.

His first hospitalization happened the week after he asked me to be his girlfriend. I remember being very surprised and clueless as to why he was in the hospital. He and I practiced tennis together almost every single day, and I hadn’t noticed that anything was wrong. (To fully appreciate this journey, you have to realize that Chris does not complain about anything. Ever. He works really hard and refuses to make excuses- a trait that is both very admirable and very frustrating). Little did I know, Chris had been suffering from severe abdominal cramping, bloody diarrhea, frequent bowel movements, and weight loss for a few months, eventually landing himself a stay in the hospital. After undergoing a full GI work-up including colonoscopy and biopsies, Chris was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis (UC). He was discharged from the hospital the day before my junior prom, and he still put on a tux and attended with a smile on his face. He had joked that he was going to make it to the prom even if he had to bring his IV pole with him.

For the next year, Chris was treated with a mix of immunosuppressant medications, steroids, and blood transfusions without any improvement.

I felt so out of control. Being a patient is tough, and being a caregiver is tough- both in very different ways.

That following spring, he was referred by his local GI specialist to Cleveland Clinic for another assessment. Seeing how severe his disease was even after aggressive conservative treatment, Cleveland recommended he undergo extensive surgery by having a total proctocolectomy with ileoanal anastomosis and creation of a J-pouch with a temporary diverting ileostomy to definitively treat his UC. Chris was only 18 years old.

Chris had that first operation, which was successful, and was thankfully able to have his ileostomy reversed 3 months later. He traveled the long 4 hours back home from Cleveland and made it just in time for my high school graduation. He healed well after that second surgery and was able to begin schooling for diesel mechanics while I went to college. We got engaged before I started grad school, and he got a job working as a diesel mechanic. We then got married at 22 and 23 years old, excited to be finishing up with school and moving back home to start our adult lives. Unfortunately, for the next couple of years, he continued to have a slow progression of the same symptoms he was experiencing before his J-pouch surgery, meaning more severe abdominal cramping, bloody diarrhea, very frequent bowel movements, and weight loss. In addition to these symptoms, he developed a new complication: perianal fistulas. These symptoms persisted, leading to another scope and biopsies confirming a new diagnosis of Crohn’s disease.

Following this new diagnosis we were referred back to Cleveland Clinic for more treatment, which included multiple new medications, steroids, and transfusions. While Chris’s J-pouch surgery would have been somewhat curative for ulcerative colitis, it made it harder to effectively manage his Crohn’s. Chris continued to have this active disease in a surgically constructed reservoir (i.e. the J-pouch) making his condition, and the accompanying complications, very difficult to treat. No matter what medications he tried or how high the dosage, his health continued to deteriorate.

Over the next several years, Chris’s body went on to form a complex network of fistulas, which required multiple procedures for seton placement. He had tried hyperbaric oxygen therapy to help with the healing of his external fistulas and wounds. Unfortunately this treatment did not work.

Our kids have also been involved in everything concerning Chris’s ostomy, particularly in the beginning when it was new.

He experienced constant leakage and stool draining from multiple holes. This had become a nuisance for Chris. He also developed strictures at the inlet of the J- pouch which then resulted in endless ileoscopies for dilation to prevent obstruction. He had spontaneous bleeding due to the inflamed and ulcerated state of his intestines. There had been instances where Chris would start hemorrhaging a few hours after having a scheduled ileoscopy, causing us to rush to the ER in the middle of the night for an emergency ileoscopy to stop the bleeding. This happened on a couple of different occasions, leading to more hospital admissions and ICU stays for low hemoglobin and low blood pressure.

I started to panic with every procedure, wondering if everything would go routinely or if we would be surprised with unexpected problems.

By this time, we were traveling to Cleveland every 2-3 months for scopes and appointments, which became extremely mentally and physically exhausting for both of us. While I realize I can never begin to understand the excruciating pain Chris was experiencing, I was sort of in my own kind of emotional pain in seeing the person I love the most in this world suffer from such an awful disease. While Chris remained totally collected and level headed with each added layer of dread, I was having a hard time sitting back and watching it all happen, knowing there was absolutely nothing I could do but hold his hand in this never-ending nightmare.

I felt so out of control. Being a patient is tough, and being a caregiver is tough- both in very different ways. Luckily, our bond as a couple was already very strong, and we became more solid with each piece of bad news. It had gotten to the point where we would almost laugh about things, because what else was there to do? If we didn’t laugh, we’d cry, and we could not start that.

Something we were blessed with (other than our awesome marriage and a side of humor) was the love of an extremely supportive family. It was very difficult to navigate Chris’s condition as it was, but we had also been going through this while starting a family of our own and both working full time. Not to mention Chris was working a manual labor job while enduring all this misery.. can you imagine? My parents, brother, and sister-in-law stepped in to take care of us, our two small kids, and two pups whenever we needed them. They were available at a moment’s notice whether it was to watch our kids while we were in Cleveland or to help with things around the house that we just physically couldn’t get around to doing. It truly took a village to make sure everything and everyone was cared for, and we can’t even begin to express the love and appreciation we have for them. They always showed up, and having that safety net of support was so valuable, especially during that time in our lives.

Since Chris had tried and failed countless conservative treatments over the course of several years, it was then recommended he have surgery for a diverting ileostomy so that his J-pouch and fistulas could have a chance to rest and heal. Chris was not exactly thrilled with the thought of having an ileostomy, but he had run out of treatment options without any promising new therapies on the horizon. Knowing that an ileostomy was going to be a potential end result based on previous discussions with his care team, Chris was able to process his thoughts and emotions surrounding the upcoming surgery. Honestly, I think having the time to mentally prepare for such a surgery was a huge benefit in how we were all able to cope moving forward.

He had the surgery for a diverting ileostomy in January of 2020, just before the pandemic. We had hoped that he would improve with this surgical intervention, but his fistulas continued throughout that following year. He also developed a pyoderma, which is a large and painful ulcer, on his abdomen right beside his new stoma. As a result of this and the relentless fistulas and strictures, his doctors recommended he have another surgery, a major surgery, to hopefully improve his quality of life. So, one year after receiving his diverting ileostomy, Chris had an abdominoperineal resection (APR) operation. In this long, 8 hour surgery, he had his J-pouch, anus, and perianal fistulas removed. This surgery also meant that his ileostomy would be permanent without the option of ever reversing it. It would be a part of him for the rest of his life.

Our focus is on making something positive out of something that could easily seem like a burden or embarrassment.

It has now been 3 years since his APR surgery and permanent ileostomy, and Chris is healthier than ever (Shout out to the wonderful surgeons and specialists at Cleveland Clinic! We’re so very thankful for you). While the initial thought of living with an ostomy seemed daunting for Chris and for me, we have come to really appreciate everything it’s done for us. Cleveland visits are now just once a year instead of every 3 months, and Chris is only on one medication for therapeutic management. His ostomy is functioning very well and hasn’t given him any problems. Chris can change his ostomy appliance so quickly that it doesn’t even seem like an inconvenience.

Our kids have also been involved in everything concerning Chris’s ostomy, particularly in the beginning when it was new. They have grown up seeing him do bag changes and have loved helping him get all of his supplies ready, and we welcome their questions with age appropriate answers. They were too young to remember how sick their dad was, but we don’t dwell on that part.

Our focus is on making something positive out of something that could easily seem like a burden or embarrassment. They are now 9 and 6 years old and are not ashamed that their dad wears a bag on his belly. When our daughter was in second grade, she actually took it upon herself to read “Awesome Ollie” to her class so she could educate her friends on what an ostomy is (this is an AMAZING kid friendly book we had used to prepare our kids for Chris’s ostomy surgery).

We were very impressed with her confidence and maturity to be able to share this information with a class full of kids. It was all her idea.

We are so grateful for this ostomy and the freedom it has given us. It’s like we have a new lease on life! Chris’s positive attitude throughout this entire ordeal has been such a blessing as well. He has never let his disease dictate his life, and there is so much to be said about that. Chris will gladly talk about his experiences if it means helping someone that is struggling with a similar situation, but he is not one to draw attention to himself. He never brings up how tough or terrible that part of his past was. He is such a wonderful example for our two kids, and I am proud that they will grow up seeing how great life can be despite difficult and less than optimal situations. Having an ostomy or a spouse with an ostomy is certainly an adjustment, but it doesn’t have to be a negative thing. It really is all in your mindset- just ask Chris! Even though Crohn’s is a disease that will never go away, the ostomy has been a life saver.

This is our new normal, and we are so blessed we get to experience it.

Embracing Life After Surgery 

, , , , ,

Before cancer came into my life, I was a very social person. My various professional ventures along with the diverse group of friends kept me on the go. Even though I dealt with anxiety it was mild enough that I was still a social butterfly.  

I was diagnosed with anal cancer on May 5, 2015, that’s Cinco de Mayo. We had the day planned, going to the groceries for Taco & Nacho Day. Watch mindless shows and spend the day together.  

Much like others like me, your caregiver becomes your world.

We were three years into our relationship, and this was not on our Bingo card of relationships… Or was it? That whole summer was spent in bed or on the couch sleeping. I couldn’t stand a lot of smells or people- so not much socializing.  

Much like others like me, your caregiver becomes your world. You are dependent on them for food, medical needs, and conversation. Chrisitan, my boyfriend, was all that and more. He was also my punching bag and took all my frustration and honestly, I don’t know where he put that energy.

It made our relationship stronger; it tested the relationship and us. He also helped me get back into the real world easier although it takes the caregiver longer to step out of his role. I don’t know if they ever leave completely.  

It took almost six months to decide or be convinced for the ostomy surgery. I had done hyperbaric chamber treatment, and we were hoping things would heal. We expected a miracle. My sphincter would not grow back.  

Diapers were not very convenient for work. I traveled quite a bit and changing on the go was a pain in the butt. Those changing tables in the bathroom don’t hold an adult! I finally picked a date for the surgery.  

My surgery was scheduled for April 1, 2016. If that date sounds familiar it’s because it’s April Fool’s Day. Yes, my surgery was a joke, and I wasn’t laughing. I didn’t have a mentor, buddy or a nurse to tell me what to do. My brain was in constant conflict between I don’t want anyone to see me, and I need to get back out in front of people. I wanted to act, public speak, or at best go shopping and try on clothes.

Go through the feelings and emotions. I denied that anything happened, got very angry, negotiated with my higher power, still dealt with a bit of depression, and I’ve accepted that this is my reality. It has allowed me to move forward faster.  

When I first started to go out in public, I would use surgical tape and bind my bag down. I was sure that if I taped it hard enough it would go away. I felt so self-conscious that I would wear shirts one size larger.

Then one day, in a support group, I heard about wraps. I had to look up this miracle device that would give me back my manly figure. As if they were security secrets that you had to find through a scavenger hunt.

I felt confident, strong, and back to me… Kinda. I felt like a piggy bank and that everyone was looking at my belly. Finally, Tommy the Ostomy and I had worked out the kinks, made peace, and became frenemies… Kinda.

Eight years later I am out more, I travel more, and still panic a bit. Tommy still manages to surprise me from time to time. Almost every day I put on my belly-bra to keep things tight and snug, and I watch my weight so things don’t pop out.

I still get panic attacks, I still think everyone is looking at me, and I still think I’ll wake up and It’ll be gone. Except I have more self-esteem, I share my story, and I look great in a tight shirt and jeans!

If I could share any words of wisdom if a new ostomate it would be go hunting online for patient stories and trusted information like this website. Find a support group and ask as many questions as pop in your head. Some things you’ll learn on your own but we’re here to help.

Another thing, go through the feelings and emotions. I denied that anything happened, got very angry, negotiated with my higher power, still dealt with a bit of depression, and I’ve accepted that this is my reality. It has allowed me to move forward faster.  

Osmani Gonzalez’s Story

, , , , , ,

Surviving colorectal cancer, reversal complications, and living with faith & perseverance

In June 2018, Osmani Gonzalez began a new exercise program to help him lose weight and kickstart a healthier lifestyle. Two months into his new routine, the then 42-year-old began to experience abdominal pain. Gonzalez assumed it was due to his workouts, but the pain foreshadowed a much more severe issue.

His discomfort only worsened over time, and in August 2018, Gonzalez, who was born in Havana, Cuba, and raised in Hialeah, Florida, was rushed to a nearby hospital with a swollen abdomen.

To alleviate his pain and to clear an obstruction in his colon, he underwent surgery for an ileostomy. During this procedure, surgeons build an opening in the abdominal wall by bringing the end of the small intestine out onto the surface of the skin, creating an opening for his intestinal waste to pass through into an ostomy bag attached to his abdomen. Unfortunately, the news that came after his procedure was not favorable – Gonzalez was diagnosed with Stage 2 colon cancer.

He cried along with his wife of 23 years Aleida, and despite not knowing what they were getting into remembers them saying, “We are going to fight it, good or bad we will try our best.”

Gonzalez thinks patients should also find time to have empathy for others. “It’s so important to understand the caregiver and ask how they are doing and to never forget that they are going through similar things,” Gonzalez says. He received 12 sessions of chemotherapy for six months. While in the hospital for treatment during the Christmas Holiday Gonzalez, who is an advocate and speaker for father engagement in K through 12 education and active in several area PTA’s where he raised two children, had an idea to bring some cheer to fellow patients by having local children draw cards of support to his fellow patients.

Gonzalez’s cancer went into remission and was told he no longer needed the ostomy.

In February 2019, Gonzalez underwent reversal surgery. However, three days after the procedure, he woke up in horrible pain, and a CT scan revealed there was a leak in his intestine and his staples had come undone. After the blood system was contaminated, Gonzalez was diagnosed with sepsis shock and had to undergo another surgery to have an ileostomy again. Afterward, Mr. Gonzalez was put in a medically induced coma for 18 days.

“At that point, my wife was given very little hope and was told just to pray and prepare for the worst,” Gonzalez said.

When he woke up from the coma, he began occupational and physical therapies and was on an IV drip to help alleviate his constant dehydration. Gonzalez learned to walk and perform basic physical activities. He used a wheelchair for more than three months while he recovered.

Even with the support he was receiving, Gonzalez’s kidneys began to fail. During one of his many trips to the ER, a gastroenterologist suspected he was suffering from short bowel syndrome, a condition in which your body is unable to absorb enough nutrients from the foods you eat because you do not have enough intestine.

“We all have downs and need motivation. Whatever it is you grab onto, you have to have a why and decide to live.”

Gonzalez was rushed to the Hospital’s emergency department and referred to a well-known trauma surgeon and surgical critical care specialist. “He came weighing 176 pounds, and in six months, he kept losing even more weight,” Gonzales recalls the doctor saying. “We only had 125 centimeters of small intestine to stabilize him.”

For Gonzalez to get better, the Doctor placed him on Total Parenteral Nutrition (TPN) so his body could receive the nutrition needed to strengthen his intestines. Over the next two years, Gonzalez continued receiving TPN and seeing the Doctor biweekly, undergoing continuous lab work to monitor his progress.

Despite frequent challenges with ostomy leaks and TPN he would go out fishing and continued to push himself to do things he loved. He remembers one time after a shower attempting to stop an active stoma with his hand and making quite a mess, “My wife just said it’s better laughing than crying,” he recalls with a smile.

On June 25, 2021, he was taken off the TPN and underwent a successful reversal surgery to repair his intestines, clean up scar tissue, and remove the stoma.

On July 9, he went home with a feeding tube and by September 13, he was on a regular and independent diet. His doctor told him, “He’s been one of the most optimistic patients I have ever cared for.”

While going through this medical journey, Gonzalez had to reduce his workflow with his construction company to focus on his health. Mr. Gonzalez is currently enrolled in a program slowly allowing him to join the workforce again. He has been working in construction management and is gradually entering a more active lifestyle.

“I look at life differently now. My focus is improving daily and being more involved in my kids’ lives,” Gonzalez said. “I’m extremely grateful to the Doctor and my care team at the hospital for performing this miracle.”

Gonzalez has expressed what a blessing it has been to have met Lynn Wolfson of the South Florida Ostomy and Tube Feeding/HPN Support Group, which provides support and comfort to other ostomy patients and guides patients through their journey of living with these conditions.

Gonzalez recently had the chance to share his story with the group and UOAA followers around the country on a Zoom presentation. He stressed the mental aspects of recovery and looking beyond day-to-day challenges.

“Keep pushing and do what you love, sometimes even when you don’t want to do something, once you start the process your feelings change,” Gonzalez says. “We all have downs and need motivation. Whatever it is you grab onto, you have to have a why and decide to live.”

Caring for an Ostomate with Memory Loss

, , , , , , , , ,

By Sarah Biggart (Convatec me+™)

Frequently I speak to callers about the challenges of caring for an ostomate with memory loss. Often time, people who were previously self-sufficient, independent ostomates become pre-occupied with their pouch; sometimes even pulling on it, which could cause numerous issues1,2.

This could be in the future for some of us, and a reality some caregivers are facing now as they care for and support loved ones.

If you are assisting a loved one, and you see them tugging, pulling, scratching or playing with their appliance, the first thing you should consider is that there may be a reason for this behavior. Their peristomal skin may be itching or burning, or they might be experiencing pain or discomfort around the stoma3. For someone who may have trouble communicating, this could be their way of letting you know something is wrong.

If this is a new behavior, contact your local ostomy nurse or healthcare provider. It’s important to rule out any medical issues they may be experiencing.

If the issue is determined to be purely behavioral, we have some suggested tips and tricks that may help as you care for and support your loved one.

Pouch Change Tips1,2,3:

  • Create a safe, relaxed environment. Take your cues from your loved one considering where they are the most comfortable. Maybe instead of standing in the bathroom, try laying down on the bed with soothing music or a favorite show playing in the background.
  • If evenings can be tough, a morning pouch change before eating breakfast may make more sense for you.
  • Keep ostomy supplies organized and clearly labeled for people who may be able to handle pouch changes independently or for rotating caregivers.
  • Use a calendar or the My Ostomy Journey App to track pouch changes. Do not wait until there is a leak to change the pouch. A leaking pouch may contribute to skin breakdown issues.
  • It may be necessary to store pastes, powders and sprays securely, as patients may attempt to tamper with or ingest these items.
  • Try ostomy accessories designed to simplify pouch changes.

Daily Living Tips1,2,3:

  • Many people with memory loss find comfort in routine. Find a rhythm to ostomy related tasks, such as emptying the pouch, and use the same verbiage each time to bring familiarity. Coordinate with the entire care team to ensure everyone is aligned with using similar language and prompts.
  • Staying occupied may help with keeping hands away from the pouching system. Things like puzzles, sorting items and folding something, may be just the thing to help.
  • Try an Ostomy wrap. Employing the “Out of Sight, Out of Mind” principal, a wrap helps to keep the pouch concealed and supported. A good ostomy wrap is made from a soft and stretchy wicking fabric and helps to keep sweat and moisture away from the skin and the wearer cool and comfortable.

Feeling isolated while providing care for loved ones is a common challenge, we encourage utilizing groups for ostomy support.

And remember that caregivers need care too. You may find comfort in your local Ostomy Support group Find one near you on the UOAA support group finder: https://www.ostomy.org/support-group-finder/.

 

Ruth and her family were confused and stressed when they had to take on the care of their 99-year- old mother’s ostomy.

“My mother has had a colostomy for nearly 60 years. She is now 99 years old with dementia, but had been independently keeping up with her stoma and pouch until just a few years ago. When family members started taking on the task of assisting her, we had to scramble to get up-to-speed since we never paid attention to the details of changing her “appliance” or emptying and re-closing the pouch.”

Ruth connected with me+™ to learn more about how to use ostomy products and accessories, and received follow up product samples and ongoing support.

“Erica was compassionate, truly listened to the problems we were encountering with my mother’s situation, and suggested products that addressed each of those challenges. The bottom line is Erica made me feel supported in my mother’s care, and that she cared that our family wanted my mother’s quality of life upheld when other healthcare providers wrote her off due to her age and mental condition. Erica contributed to us honoring my mother’s wonderfully rich and productive life at a time when that’s not evident to a stranger’s eye. We are so grateful for the support we’ve received through Convatec’s me+ Clinical Support Nurse Team.”

 

If you have questions about product sampling or nurse support available through the me+™ program, please contact us at 1-800-422-2211 or cic@convatec.com.  We look forward to helping you soon.

Editor’s note: This blog is from one of our digital sponsors, Convatec. Sponsor support along with donations from readers like you help to maintain our website and the free trusted resources of UOAA, a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization.

References:

  1. DementiaUK, Caring for a person with a Stoma and Dementia. https://www.dementiauk.org/information-and-support/health-advice/caring-for-a-person-with-a-stoma-and-dementia/. Accessed November 13th, 2023.
  2. United Ostomy Associations of America, Inc, Dementia Stoma Care. https://www.ostomy.org/dementia-stoma-care/. Accessed November 13th, 2023.
  3. McGrogan M. How holistic assessment and appropriate product selection will enhance quality of life for ostomates with cognitive impairment. WCET® Journal 2021;41(1):33-35

Young Ostomates to Gather in Houston for #UOAA2023

, , , , , , ,

Among the general public there is still a perception that people living with an “ostomy bag” or pouch are older seniors or at least middle-aged. Those searching on social media however will soon discover that younger people with an ostomy are not only  visible, but sharing and embracing “ostomy life” in a whole new way.

Allison Rosen and friends at the Waterwall Park close to the Royal Sonesta Houston Galleria, the site of the UOAA 2023 National Conference. 

Many young adults with an ostomy have never had the opportunity to meet another person they could truly relate to.

What if there was a place where online ostomy friends could meet in person, socialize, laugh, cry and just be together? Well, that place is UOAA’s National Conference August 10-12, 2023 in Houston, Texas.  

Attendees of all ages will get to experience a large ostomy product exhibit hall and sign-up to sample products and see a WOC nurse at the free stoma clinic. Former Miss Texas and current J-Poucher Magen Cherry will provide the keynote welcome. 

Ostomy experts will also speak and be on hand to answer surgery-specific questions for people with an ileostomy, colostomy, urostomy, j-pouch or continent diversion. Young adults, along with Caregivers, IBD Patients, LGBTQ+, and kids/parents will be offered even more specialized sessions and tracks.

Young Adult Track 

After its successful debut in Philadelphia, the Young Adult Track is back for this year’s conference! Designed for ostomates in an earlier stage of life, the track features topics like, dating and sexuality, body image, managing school/work, navigating parenthood, exercise, and staying active all while juggling ostomy care and other chronic health conditions. 

Sessions range from formal presentations and panel discussions to off-the-cuff conversations and opportunities to connect with fellow young ostomates. The Young Adult Track offers participants the opportunity to learn new things while forming friendships and bonds that extend well beyond the weekend of the conference.

”If you’re looking for peers in your age range who truly “get it,” look no further — we can’t wait to see you in Houston!” says co-organizer Molly Atwater-Pulisic (Molly Olly Ostomy). The young adult group typically meet informally after hours in the hotel lounge and go on city outings together as well.

You’ll want to stay at the Royal Sonesta Houston Galleria to not miss out and be close to all the action. A special UOAA group rate is available. 

The young adult track is awesome, because we make fast friends and are able to relax and talk openly and casually about personal, ostomy-related topics that are sometimes difficult to share with people in our usual daily lives. -Nate Hadlock

Local Houstonian and ostomy advocate Allison Rosen is helping to plan a Texas themed evening of line dancing, drinks and desserts. “I am looking forward to meeting virtual Ostomy friends in person for the first time! Meeting others who understand I know will be life changing!” Rosen says. 

Young Adult Track attendees will have a dedicated meeting room starting with a meet and greet on the morning of Thursday, August 10 ending with FAQs Saturday afternoon before the closing party. A special Friday night gathering just for the Young Adults is also being planned with track sponsor Hollister. 

If this all feels a bit overwhelming don’t worry you’ll be embraced with open arms. Unofficial social chair Alyssa Zeldenrust has made it her mission to greet and connect young ostomates since first attending the conference in 2011. In a testimonial video she shares why she keeps coming back. “All of us are on our second chance at life, so it’s extra special to all be together and it’s a very joyous atmosphere.”

She’ll also be speaking on Ostomy FAVE Things along with other conference veterans Chloe Moody and Nate Hadlock.

“I’ll be sharing tips, “tricks”, and experiences that have helped me through my medical journey. As many ostomates have done for me since my first conference in 2017, this year my goal is to help others feel welcome and have breakthroughs of their own,” Hadlock says.

Those active on social media may see some other familiar faces such as Kristen Furey, The Furey Fighter. “I’m excited to share my journey with Advocacy and what it has done for me in terms of growth and acceptance with an ostomy!” Furey says. “I am most looking forward to attending my first UOAA ostomy conference and being around so many other people who have similar health conditions and an ostomy! Knowing they have walked the same journey that I have and hearing from them firsthand their experiences with an ostomy!”

Speaking on Parenthood it will also be the first conference for Meghan Brown (@EMC_Brown)  “I am most looking forward to meeting longtime ostomy friends and experiencing my very first conference, as well as hearing some of my closest ostomy friends speak!”

“For my talk, I’m excited to share more about my experiences of pregnancy with an ostomy and what life looks like now with a very curious three year old and wild 20 month old. I’ll shed a little light into the funny but important conversations I’ve had with my three year old about my ostomy, and how we maintain an open dialogue around all things ostomy.”

Molly Atwater-Pulisic will be joined with Collin Jarvis in leading many of the other topic discussions. Check out the full conference schedule. Young Adults between the ages of 18-25 get the special price of $135.00 for all three days. 

Caregivers Track

Partners or caregivers of ostomates are also encouraged to attend UOAA’s National Conference this summer. Register and you’ll be welcomed for all the social events and food and drink opportunities and receive access to the informative Exhibit Hall.

Special sessions are also exclusive to caregivers on Friday August 11. 

The Caregivers Track that morning will feature a Caring for a Male Rap Session and a Caring for a Female Rap Session. 

An important session on Caregiver Stress – How to Cope will be available that morning a well. 

Pediatric Track

The youngest of ostomates and their parents/caregivers will also have a special track at the conference.. This day-long  program is held on Saturday and will be led by pediatric WOC Nurses and ostomy parents. 

Some session highlights include: 

Advice from an Ostomy Parent with Julie Hubbard

Dietary Considerations in GI/Ostomy Patient with Erika Kay, RDN, LD 9:15am to 10:30am Ask the Expert: Gastroenterology Care of the Pediatric IBD Patient with Dr. Allison Wyatt 

Ask the Expert: Surgical Management of the Pediatric IBD Patient with Dr. Rueben Rodriquez

Ostomy Complications and Pouching Techniques with WOC Nurse Maryanne Lewis

Ask the WOC Nurses with Barbara Richardson, Erika Guidry and Sharon Wallace

Exercise and Activities for Children with Ostomies with Tenille and Rebekka Smith

Children between the ages of 5-17 are just $25 and the one-day rate for parents is $125.00

Volunteers from around the country are working hard to create a life-changing experience for the young ostomate community. Register by May 31st to get the early bird discount. Please spread the word, invite a friend and discover your people this August in Houston. 

 

Understanding Stoma and Ostomy Basics

, , , , , , , , ,

There are two main types of stomas, and they both have certain “ideal” characteristics in common. Do you know what they are?

Wound care nurses know that it’s not uncommon to hear the terms ostomy and stoma used interchangeably, even though they have different meanings.

What is a stoma?

Let’s start with the basics:

  • The stoma is the mouth-like, visible part of an ostomy.
  • A fecal or urinary stoma is composed of mucous membrane or the lining of the intestine that’s exposed to the surface.
  • Following ostomy surgery, effluent (output) — such as fecal matter, urine, or mucous — will pass through the opening of the stoma, called the lumen.
  • The patient will not have voluntary control of the effluent expelled by the stoma.

Types of stomas

There two major categories of stomas: the end and the loop.

End stoma

An end stoma is created when the surgeon brings one end of the GI tract through the abdominal wall, then folds it over. The surgeon then removes the other end or sews it shut.

In some cases, the surgeon will create end stomas from both ends of the GI tract, called a double-barrel stoma. In this case, you’ll see two distinct stomas: the proximal stoma discharges stool and the distal stoma discharges mucous. Sometimes an expanse of skin separates the two stomas, and sometimes they will share the same opening. This construction is most common for infants or very small children.

Loop stoma

To create this type of colostomy, the surgeon lifts a loop of the transverse colon through the abdomen. The colon is given a small split on the side facing out, and a rod is placed underneath for support. The rod may be removed after a few days when support is no longer needed. The proximal opening of the stoma drains stool from the intestine, while the distal opening of the stoma drains mucus. Loop stomas are usually created for temporary ostomies.

Characteristics of an ideal healthy stoma

Each stoma is unique, just as each patient’s physiology is unique. Different surgical techniques will result in stomas of different appearance. At the same time, the “ideal” stoma has some identifiable characteristics:

Moist

The inner surface of the stoma continually produces mucus to cleanse the stoma. Mucus production is a normal function of the intestines that serves as natural lubrication for food passing through the body. The mucus gives the healthy stoma a wet appearance.

Beefy red

Blood flow is essential to the health of the stoma. Normal stoma tissue is highly vascular and will appear deep pink to red. Pale pink is also normal in a urinary stoma. Stoma tissue may even bleed slightly when rubbed or irritated, which is normal. When a stoma turns pale, or dark, it means there’s a problem with the blood supply, so be sure to investigate.

Round

A round stoma is easiest to measure with circular rulers. It also works best with pre-cut skin barriers (the part of the ostomy appliance that affixes to the skin and attaches to pouch). An oval or irregularly shaped stoma may require cut-to-fit skin barriers.

The shape is affected by the type of ostomy and the individual’s body composition. The shape can also vary with the wave-like muscular contractions of the intestines, the peristaltic movement.

Budded/protruding

When a stoma has a rosebud shape (rather than flat or retracted), it protrudes into the pouching system. This allows the effluent to fall out into the pouch away from the body. The ideal protrusion is 2-3 cm with a lumen in the very center.

Strategically located

To easily accommodate the skin barrier, it’s ideal to have 2-3 inches of flat skin around the stoma. Avoid beltlines, bony prominences, skin folds, suture lines, or the umbilicus (belly button). Also, the patient will have more success managing a stoma located in an area that they can see and reach.

Stoma assessment

The stoma itself has no sensory nerve endings, which means there is no sensation for the patient. In other words, the patient may not feel pain or discomfort if the stoma becomes lacerated or injured. Therefore, your thorough clinical assessment of the stoma and the surrounding skin is essential to catching problems early.

Ostomy basics for healthcare clinicians: upcoming wound care conference session

As the third largest wound care conference in the nation, Wild on Wounds (WOW) is focused on advancing the healthcare workforce with impactful, innovative, hands-on wound care education built by and for clinicians.

This year, Joy Hooper, RN, BSN, CWOCN, OMS, WCC, AWCC, will present, “Ostomy: Basics and Beyond” which will provide a better level of understanding of colostomy, ileostomy, and urostomy surgery. The surgeries will be explained in a simple, relatable show-and-tell progression that builds on healthcare clinicians’ understanding GI tract anatomy. The presentation will include the concepts of peristomal skin protection from output and the different types of appliances available. The session will also include trouble shooting common peristomal skin common complications.

The session is intended for dieticians, nurses, and physical therapists and offers 4.00 contact hours. Learning objectives from the session include:

  • Identifying how to communicate basic ostomy care based on individual type of ostomy as it relates to a patient’s ostomy type
  • Selecting interventions to preserve peristomal skin integrity
  • Recognizing how to use ostomy products to customize fit thus promoting quality of life

WOW details

This year’s 17th annual WOW event is brought to you by the Wound Care Education Institute (WCEI) and Nurse.com, part of the parent company Relias’ family of brands. The conference will take place from September 13–16 in Hollywood, Florida. Conference attendees can choose from dozens of educational sessions and earn up to 25 contact hours for CE credits.

WOW offers innovative, interactive, and informative sessions, including simulation workshops, live product demonstrations, and a new pre-conference track with an entire day of legal sessions. Also new this year is a virtual poster hall featuring the latest in clinical research, clinical practice outcomes, evidence-based interventions, new technology, management of complex wounds, and more.

To learn more and register for Wild on Wounds, visit here.

-Natalie Vaughn, MBA, Senior Content Marketing Manager, Relias

Caring for the Caregiver

,

By Ellyn Mantell

We are at that stage of life where so many in our world are dealing with issues that require care. All are in shellshock! Those who require help were frequently the backbone of their family, their community, their businesses, and suddenly, they need care.  Family members are called upon to play a different role, that of becoming the caregiver with little to no preparation. It rattles everyone, can separate and cause feuds in families, and can go in a very negative direction. But if everyone has their eye on the prize, that of supporting the one in need, there will be an amazing sense of camaraderie, and I believe, much more success. Now, more than ever, people need each other.

I want to share some thoughts with you in the event you or someone you know finds themselves in this situation:

  • Help to create a plan of action, logically and without emotion. Remember to focus on what is best for the patient (or one in need, but we will refer to them as patient) Ask professionals for guidance, but let them know your resources, financially, personally and physically. Bravado doesn’t have a place here…be open and honest. Nobody can do it all, and nobody expects that.
  • Bring family and close friends together and have open conversations about the direction being planned. It is dangerous to assume you know what others are thinking, and it is subterfuge for others to talk without involving you directly. Make it easy for family and friends to come to you, and do not put up a wall. Nobody benefits when that happens and too much time is wasted! Listen, gather information, keep an open mind, and then feel empowered to make decisions.
  • Keep a journal of what is happening to your loved one and yourself. Being mindful of the experience and noticing how you are growing and changing is valuable. It will help with each step you take. These things are most often a process, and not “fixed” on the schedule we desire. Additionally, for the patient, knowing what tests have been performed, the results, in one place, can be invaluable.
  • There are many resources available, but it is a minefield for those who are dealing with the patient. Ask a valued friend or family member to make calls on your behalf or help them navigate the internet. As an Advocate, I receive countless phone calls from family members and friends asking for my guidance. I praise those who reach out on someone’s behalf, and know the patient is so fortunate to have that type of loving concern.
  • Finally, although I could continue for pages, take the Caregiver to lunch, do something special for them, acknowledge all they are doing and the amount on their plate. Call, reach out and do what you can. This is such a trying time, and certainly, we are all aware of our vulnerability. Pay it forward and watch how it helps.

 

Ellyn Mantell is a UOAA advocate and Affiliated Support Group leader from New Jersey. This post first appeared on her blog More Than My Ostomy.

Ashley and Mariah’s Story: A Young Daughter Inspires her Mom to Break Down Walls When Advocating for Short Bowel Syndrome Care

, , ,

Caring for a child with short bowel syndrome (SBS), a serious and chronic malabsorption disorder, can often feel isolating and disheartening.1, 2, 3 Unexpected barriers and challenges can make the condition difficult to manage and live with. And, because SBS is rare, finding information and support can be especially difficult. But for my daughter Mariah and me, this life with SBS is not about injustice, it’s about empowerment – a lesson Mariah has taught me better than anyone. As she puts it, “Mommy, I picked this life, and I picked you to be here to do it with me.”

Hearing those words years ago through the smile of my young daughter has been the ultimate source of strength for me. Mariah was born with most of her small bowel and half of her colon missing and was diagnosed with SBS at birth. She doesn’t receive nutrients as well as she should, which can lead to malnutrition, dehydration and other physiological complications. However, she was also born with incredible, innate resilience – that resilience has empowered me to break down walls and advocate fiercely on her behalf along our journey.

Finding strength has not always been easy. At the time of Mariah’s birth, the doctors said she would not live past one year. Essentially, I was told that my daughter had a death sentence. I did not accept that. But even though I didn’t doubt that she would survive her SBS diagnosis, I still grieved. Then, eventually I said to myself, “We will be the exception. We will be unique, and my child will thrive.” And, ultimately it was Mariah who created her own reality by not only surviving, but thriving. She simply shocked everyone.

Mariah is now ten years old, and she’s just like other kids in so many ways. For example, she certainly doesn’t like to clean her room! She is also her own wonderfully special person – she is a trickster who loves playing jokes on her brother and sister, and even kids around with nurses and staff during difficult hospital visits. She is equally nurturing and an avid caretaker of the sunflowers in our garden.

As Mariah gets older, I want to encourage her to become independent in every aspect of her life and to be curious about her SBS management. She already likes to gather her own supplies and has taken a particular interest in flushing out her own line (of her total parenteral nutrition [TPN]). Mariah doesn’t have the eating aversion that some kids with SBS might develop, so I allow her to eat whatever she wants and stock up her assigned “snack pantry” with what she chooses. Giving her the option to choose her own snacks is just one way that we’re building and supporting Mariah’s self-reliance in her SBS care and daily life.

This sense of independence helps Mariah feel like her true self because, as other parents of children with SBS likely know, the disease is not always pretty. That was especially true of Mariah’s experience following a surgical procedure known as an ileostomy. An ileostomy is a surgically created opening from the ileum, the lowest part of the small intestine. The intestine is brought through the abdominal wall to form a stoma. We agreed to do the ileostomy after she had been experiencing incredible pain when trying to use the bathroom. She would have acidic bowel moments and fissures – it was just awful.

The ileostomy was a temporary solution at best but was by no means perfect. We never had enough bags (or ileostomy pouches) and living with an ileostomy was challenging for us. At Mariah’s school, I would try to encourage curiosity and acceptance by telling the other kids that Mariah was an “alien from another planet” to explain her pouch. While a somewhat satisfactory explanation for most of the kids, she still experienced bullying from some of them. Thankfully, Mariah has always been confident in letting those bullies know that even if they weren’t being very nice, she would love them anyways. She punished them with kindness. It’s just another one of those things that makes her “Mariah”. Ultimately, Mariah was able to have the ileostomy reversed a few months ago which was a relief to us all.

In the moments of struggle that come with her SBS, Mariah has always responded with even greater moments of strength – sometimes even more strength than I possess myself. She has already had 40 surgeries in her first ten years of life, and on one occasion I decided to do her makeup with “winged” eyeliner before her procedure. However, when she came out of surgery, her makeup had been smeared. When she saw that I was crying, I told her the white lie that it was over the ruined eyeliner rather than let her see how hard it was watch her endure another challenge. Yet she was the one who said, with an unbothered smile, “Mom, stop! It’s not that serious, we’ll fix it later.” Her spirit is my strength, and that spirit inspires me to advocate fiercely for her every day.

In general, I feel there needs to be greater advocacy for the lives touched by SBS. It’s rare, and in my experience, there aren’t many people who can bridge the gap between parents’ understanding of the condition and the knowledge that medical professionals have. Although people living with SBS often have a circle of care that includes healthcare professionals across various disciplines, it can be difficult to merge everyone’s insights and get on the same page.

I have learned that to speak the same language as medical professionals, you must be invested and passionate about your research. For me, Google is my best friend. I research online to understand things like the vascular system and other biological processes. I read medical case studies online. I look at clinical studies. I constantly do my own fact-finding because I want to understand how a treatment will impact my child. The best way to do that is by arming myself with information as I fight to ensure she receives the care and treatment plans that are most appropriate for her. 

It can take time to find medical professionals who are comfortable when a parent says, “I respect your opinion, but I’ve done my research, as well, and we’re not going to do that; we’re going to do this instead.” I’ve learned that you can, in fact, get through brick walls. Although sometimes it’s by going over, around or under versus breaking through. And when medical professionals don’t think I’m at their level, I have no problem “putting on my heels” to get there so they hear me.

Although I am not a physician, I do have a PhD in Mariah – no one knows her better than I do. I know that when she has an infection, her eyes will turn bright green. When she’s going to have a fever, she sleep talks. I’m compelled to ask the deeper questions about why a doctor may believe a new treatment or procedure is necessary. This sometimes has forced us to switch providers because in my view, “protocols” are not personalized to Mariah’s needs. Every person with SBS has a unique experience.

We are ALL human, doctors included. And we can make mistakes, learn and grow. All the things that I didn’t know when Mariah was diagnosed with SBS have helped me remain teachable and earnest in advocating for her. I’ve learned so much more by recognizing what I don’t know. Being humble enough to take advice has given me the greatest defense.

Nevertheless, it is challenging to constantly find resources and support, especially as a single parent. Trying to make ends meet at home while managing Mariah’s SBS journey is an ongoing challenge. Even when reaching out to other parents in the SBS community, it can be difficult to find balance. But the biggest support I find is that I don’t feel alone. When I talk to other parents in the community about our experiences, they just get it. I don’t have to explain Mariah’s condition or worry I will feel crazy. I can just ask, “Do you experience this?” and they say, “Yes, we got you!”  Immediately, I feel less alone.

This journey takes strength and resilience, there is no doubt about it. Even with the support of the community and loved ones, ultimately, no one really knows what it takes for Mariah to be Mariah. They don’t know she has to carry a backpack for her nutrition. They don’t know what it looks like when I have to hold her for 15 minutes after her three daily shots. But they do see her strength, and they are compassionate towards the way Mariah knocks down every obstacle in her way, even those that would probably defeat others. I am humbled that this is our walk, and I believe it was given to us for a reason.

Just as the community encourages me and reminds me that I am not alone, I hope to encourage others in the community who may just be starting out on their SBS journey or struggling along the way. When talking to parents of newly diagnosed children, I want them to know that every child is unique, like a fingerprint. It’s all about believing that your child can do what they need to do. The most important thing is to know you’re doing the best for your child at every step of the way. This condition does not have to be a death sentence. And, if your child is anything like mine, he or she is likely stronger than you ever could have imagined.

To learn more about Short Bowel Syndrome (SBS), visit https://www.shortbowelsyndrome.com/. To join the community and talk with others who are living with SBS, check out https://www.facebook.com/TakedaSBS.

This article was created by Takeda.

 

Editor’s Note: This educational article is from one of our digital sponsors, Takeda. Sponsor support along with donations from our readers like you help to maintain our website and the free trusted resources of UOAA, a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization.

 

Shining a Light on WOC Nurses

, ,

In celebration of Wound, Ostomy, and Continence (WOC) Nurse Week 2021, help us to shine a bright light on these special nurses. They give us the hope, support, and specialized care needed to thrive in life with an ostomy.

WOC nurse volunteers spend countless hours advocating, leading support groups, educating, fundraising, and supporting UOAA programs and services. UOAA recognizes that not all ostomy patients have access to a WOC nurse and we’ll continue to advocate for access to a specialized ostomy nurse from preoperatively when your stoma site is marked through an ongoing lifetime continuum of care as outlined in our Ostomy and Continent Diversion Patient Bill of Rights.

We asked UOAA’s social media community to share how a WOC nurse has made a difference in your life, health, or support group. We hope more nurses will consider this rewarding specialty. Thank you WOC nurses, you are our guiding lights.

I would like to thank my WOC nurses who have and continue to support me as an ostomate. My nurses inspired me so much I went to nursing school and graduate this month with a BSN and plan on continuing on. To become a WOC nurse myself! Thank you WOC nurses! -Katie Lee

“My WOC was a lady named Gayle. She helped my Mom so much with me. I remember many visits to the ER ward and having her there. She was funny, nice and on it. I used to love seeing her. She stayed by my side from 3-6yr old into my adulthood. She fought hard to find a bag that was the perfect fit for me. She got a new product in and it changed my life significantly, she fought tooth and nail to keep me in that bag, even when Canada decided to stop offering it openly. I still wear that brand to this day. I always heard rumors she was also an Ostomate and I can’t say how long. That made me love her more. I will never forget those who had a hand in my welfare and saw me through their entire career. I miss her and the others immensely. Jody is my new WOC and although I rarely need her, she’s there to help, even if it’s a panic situation that couldn’t wait for an appointment.” –Camille C.

“Joanna Burgess Happy WOC Nurse week. You have been a true Angel of Mercy for me over the years!” –Col Justin Blum

“My son’s WOC nurses at CHLA were awesome!!” – Teri C.

I am a WOCN and worked with MANY ostomy patients in the past. The thanks go both ways — I have never (in a long nursing career) felt as appreciated for my clinical skills and assistance as I do when working with people with an ostomy. They are the reason I have stayed in nursing. -Cris R.

This is Karen with my husband at his 55th birthday party in 2019 -Pam Allen Williamson

We have 3 great WOC nurses in our community that come to our ostomy support meetings Karen Eubank, Michael Byars and Jason Pratt. Michael went above and beyond by creating a weekly outpatient ostomy clinic after I told him I learned some cities had those while attending a UOAA conference. Karen who has been coming to our meetings for over a decade, hosts many of our support group parties at her house, works at the ostomy clinic on a regular basis, pays to store donated supplies and often helps people after hours. Both of them visit my husband when he is hospitalized, came to the house to visit him when he was home on hospice and came to his funeral. We are extra grateful to Karen because before he left the hospital on hospice she applied a special high output bag connected to bed drainage bag to minimize the family’s need to interact with the ostomy. Karen who is a neighbor told me that she would come change the bag twice a week. The hospice nurse was fascinated and stayed late to watch Karen change it out. He was going to stay in the hospital as long as they would let him to avoid family having to deal with his bag because he had always been so independent with it until nearly the end. Karen’s solution allowed him to come home and be surrounded by family caregivers that loved him and have wonderful conversations remembering fun times and having important conversations instead of the visitor limitations hospitals right now. We are so grateful to her for this and hope it will benefit other families of bed-bound patients. BTW we still fondly remember my husband’s first WOCN Nurse Licklighter who was a nurse at Keesler AFB in 1993. She marked him before surgery and taught him how to handle his bag and he kept her handwritten instructions forever and sometimes copied them for others. -Pam A.W.

I can’t thank the nurses at Ohio Health Riverside Hospital they helped me so much and made an otherwise difficult transition quite non traumatic! –Carol B.

Thank you to Erin and Vanessa at New York Presbyterian! –Jameson Cycz

The ConvaTec nurse Lorelei. She has been a stoma saver. She helped me troubleshoot my leaking problem, got me into a new pouching system, that is awesome and when I ran out of samples and am in limbo with my supply company in getting the new pouches and other supplies, she set me up with a holdover supply, so that my stoma won’t be continuously injured by my current pouches.- Susan Gentner

I’m thankful for all of the WOCNs I have been to. Some I’ve known for many years. They are very knowledgeable and helpful with various products.I also want to give a shoutout to our great WOCNs at 11 Health & Technologies for being amazing for our team and patients. ? –Megan Alloway

Amazing Aimee Frisch. The best WOCN in know. Love you. -John Pederson

Happy ‪#WOCNurseWeek2021! What you do for ‪ostomy patients and the impact you make is immeasurable!  Plus we are grateful for all that you do to support UOAA and our ‪advocacy program! You are advocates for patients and can influence change. Shine on! @UOAA_Advocate -Jeanine Gleba