Tag Archive for: Ostomy Support Group

Catherine’s Story

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A long journey to an ostomy leads to a supportive community

I have suffered with digestive issues since I was a teen and the first symptoms I remember were back in high school.

I was a very shy, insecure young lady throughout high school and finding myself starting college, with growing concerns about my stomach, was very difficult for me. I started noticing urgency and stomach pains and when I moved into the dorms my symptoms got worse. Not only the stress of trying to fit in with so many new people, but for any of you that have eaten dorm food I’m sure you can understand why I struggled.

Fast forward four years, and I was getting married to the love of my life. He had just accepted that anywhere we went the first thing on the agenda was locating the bathrooms. After college we moved to a small town where I did not know anyone, I was a long distance away from my family for the first time and had a difficult time finding work. This is when I started to realize how much stress was impacting my abdominal pain. I began to blame the stomach pain on my anxiety and just accepted it as normal.

After we were married, we began to think about a family. More than anything I have always dreamed of being a mom. We tried for four years to get pregnant and the stress of constantly getting negative pregnancy tests really wore on me. We decided after many rounds of tests and exploratory surgery that we would try IVF. After a long process and the intense stress put on my body to prepare, IVF worked, and we were blessed with twins.

Unfortunately, this was the beginning of a new long and difficult road. I was considered a high-risk pregnancy from the start, and after all we had been through I felt like I was walking on eggshells through the pregnancy always afraid I was going to do something wrong.

I ended up being hospitalized at 20 weeks as my daughter’s sack was in the vaginal canal. I had a four week stay in the hospital where I was sewn shut and tilted onto my head to keep the babies in as long as possible. It was August and they weren’t due until January. The stress and fear for my children was overpowering.

Unfortunately, at 24 weeks my daughter decided she had waited long enough and pushed right through the stitches. They were born at 1lb 8 oz and 1lb 11oz. and the moment they were born they took them away into a special room because they were not breathing. When they moved us to the recovery room, we were told not to get our hopes up.

Two days after they were born, Megan had to be rushed to a new hospital because her lungs weren’t developed enough, and at 9 days old my son started spitting up green, they were only fed through a feeding tube at this point. I was terrified and did not know how they would do surgery on such a tiny baby.  I didn’t want to loose my little boy!

They went into surgery, and he came out with only 20% of his small intestine and an ileostomy. 80% of his small intestine did not form completely and was dead. This was our first experience with an ostomy, and it tore me apart knowing my baby needed this. Unfortunately, he continued to get weaker, and they had no choice but to reconnect him at 3 months as a last resort to save him. His sister had been sent home a couple weeks earlier and had been sharing a crib with her. He was sent home with a small chance of survival, but once he was reunited with his sister he began to thrive. He is now 26 and doing amazing!

When the twins were two years old my life was very stressful. I lost my dad to cancer and had a miscarriage in the same 24 hours. I was a daddy’s girl. He was there when I came into this world, and I was at his side when he left it. I miss him terribly to this day.

We were told there would be delays in their growth of our children for the first few years, but at the two year mark things seemed to suddenly slow down and after running further tests my babies were diagnosed with autism.

The loss of my father, a child, and the autism diagnosis seemed to push my stress levels even further and I started having horrible pains to the point where I couldn’t even stand up. Then the bleeding started.

I would have that urgency and when I reached the bathroom all I could get out was blood and it was horribly painful. I felt like I was being ripped apart from the inside out, and I could only sit and rock back and forth. It took everything I Had just to care for the twins and somehow fight through growing pain and bleeding.

I felt like “This is it, all the pain will be over soon”. At that point my husband and my best friend both begged me to get the surgery

I was finally diagnosed with ulcerative colitis. When my daughter was old enough to play with her dollhouse the mommy doll was always on the toilet. That made me so sad that she noticed my illness at such a young age even if she didn’t truly understand.

Throughout the years it would bounce between Crohn’s and Colitis. At one point they called it ulcerative Crohn’s. I was 29 when I was diagnosed, and at 41 years old I had my first hospitalization. Looking back, I should have been in the hospital a few times, but that would be accepting how serious things had become.

They mentioned removing my colon, but I am ashamed to admit I said I’d rather die. Somehow, I recovered enough to go home after a week despite still being weak and struggling.

After years of caring for my children I needed to work and was able to start a new job. This is where I was first exposed to a nutrition practitioner who helped me realize I had food sensitivities and supported me with good nutrition and whole food supplementation. I was beginning to flare and worried I would lose my job having to run to the bathroom so frequently at work, but they reassured me they were dedicated to helping me get my life back. It was overwhelming at first, but after 6 months I finally felt like I could live again.

I had many good years after that but still struggled with small bouts now and then. I had multiple back surgeries that seemed to cause flare ups, but I was able to recover each time. After 2020 I started having a horrible flare every year around the same time. At one point, trying to drive my son to work, I had to park and had diarrhea in the garbage in the back seat of the car. I couldn’t even get into the building.

At this point I was terrified to even leave the house and if I did, I became exhausted so quickly I could barely get anything done. I was afraid to eat so I was losing weight and becoming weaker by the day.

At 52 I was hospitalized with severe pain and bleeding again.  I felt as though I was being torn in half and this time it felt worse than usual.  I was in the hospital for the best part of two months. They would send me home and I would have to go back one to two days later in severe pain after my husband would push me to go. Deep inside I knew what they were going to tell me, and I fought to stay home trying to convince myself I could get over it on my own.

I walked into a room of smiling people there to support each other and they were very welcoming to newcomers.

On one of my final returns to the hospital they said I was unresponsive to the steroid infusions. By the time the surgeon talked to me I was under 90 pounds, but I still told him I did not want ostomy surgery. He was completely honest with me and said I either have surgery and because I was so weak already, I might not make it through. Without surgery I would not survive.

I cried so hard. I did not want this for my life.

The last time I was sent home before surgery I could not eat. I would try but the food would make me so sick I couldn’t bear putting anything in my mouth. It got so bad I couldn’t even get water down. I remember sitting on the toilet in pain and, all of a sudden, I just felt this feeling of peace and that everything was going to be ok.

I was going home.

I felt like “This is it, all the pain will be over soon”. At that point my husband and my best friend both begged me to get the surgery. It dawned on me that my poor husband had been trying to take care of me with a TBI and my twins had autism. My family still needed me.

I went back into the hospital and was so weak they had to give me TPN for a week in the hope they could get me strong enough for surgery. I am blessed that I had a wonderful surgeon, and everything went as well as it could. Many people said when they woke from this kind of surgery, they immediately noticed the pain was gone. I had hoped I would wake up have that feeling, but I was still in so much pain. I felt so emotionally broken I couldn’t bring myself to look at my stoma for days after the surgery.

My husband, bless his heart, was right there from the moment I came out of surgery watching the nurses empty so he could learn how to help me. I cried through my first handful of bag changes. My bag was covering two open wounds, and it hurt so badly when they had to remove the adhesive barrier. I couldn’t stand it whenever they came in to change my pouch and remembered thinking there was no way I could live like this. I went home a week later and had home health care along with TPN IVs and steroids. I was hooked up to a large bag of fluid each night to try to get nutrients back into my body since eating was still a challenge.

I had to learn how to properly walk and move again from my muscles wasting away but slowly I became stronger over the next few months. After about a month of care I decided I didn’t want to be miserable, and I would embrace this. It was a mental turning point for me, and I started wanting to do all my bag changes myself and worked hard to recuperate.

At about 6 months I started to slowly exercise again and was looking for a support group. My experiences with online support groups at this point were frustrating. It seemed like a lot of negativity and not much support. I was doing research online to find support and information to life as positively as I could and I found UOAA’s website and a local support group.

Walking into this support group meeting, I was nervous that it would just be a bunch of people complaining but it was just the opposite.

I walked into a room of smiling people there to support each other and they were very welcoming to newcomers. After a few visits to this UOAA Affiliated Support Group, one member even volunteered to help with my workouts since there were risks to strengthening your core after surgery.

I was finally starting to feel confident in my new life, but once again, there was an unexpected turn in my recovery. 10 Months in, out of nowhere, I started feeling severe pain in my abdomen that I could not control. It came on suddenly, and when I started vomiting, I called my surgeon. He was concerned since I wasn’t that far out of my surgery and shouldn’t be having these issues, so he sent me to the ER.

I learned it is ok to have bad days as long as I don’t dwell in them and firmly embrace my good days.

After being admitted to the hospital for a blockage I was not responding to treatment the way I should have so I was scheduled for immediate surgery. My surgeon went in and found my small intestine had twisted and was turning purple. I am so blessed that he found it in time and was able to save what was left.

Unfortunately, I developed a reaction to the dissolvable stitches and had open wounds for over 3 months. These open wounds created challenges that kept my bag from adhering to my skin. Honestly this surgery affected me mentally more than my ostomy surgery. The scars and puckering from infection still mess with my head but I am learning to love my new body.

I recently attended the UOAA National Conference in Orlando and this was the best thing I could have done. My husband made a comment that that was the most confident he had seen me in a long time. I felt so much love and support there. I also met some amazing people who reinforced my mental and emotional recovery.

I learned it is ok to have bad days as long as I don’t dwell in them and firmly embrace my good days. I have been feeling a push to share my story to hopefully help and support others in the way I have through my journey. I look forward to finding ways to inspire others and make a difference in our community.

I have to say my quality of life has drastically improved. Don’t get me wrong, there are hard days and challenges, but I can face them without the pain and exhaustion that held me back for so many years.

I am still here for my family and can continue to help people with my career in Nutrition Response Testing. I can say I am truly grateful and blessed to have this ostomy and hope I can inspire others and help them along in their journey!

So You’re Getting an Ostomy

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By Robin Glover

Oh no! An ostomy! You’re going to be pooping or peeing into a bag attached to your stomach?? Your life is over, right? No more dating. No one will ever like you. Children will run from you! It’s so gross!

Don’t worry. We’ve all been there. As great as they can turn out to be, the idea of getting an ostomy is never really welcomed news. Add on to that, you’re probably very sick and haven’t eaten well in weeks and you’re tired and worried and feel alone. You know nothing about ostomies and are wondering what life will be like with one.

Will having an ostomy bag eventually become second nature and you won’t even really think or worry about it? Yes.

First of all, life is going to be great! You’ll feel better. You’ll eat better. You won’t be bleeding out of unspeakable places and constantly panic-stricken about finding the nearest bathroom. Your life will become more consistent and routine and you’ll end up being happy you had a lifesaving, life-improving surgery.

It’s possible that you don’t believe that right now, though. And while it does turn out to be a good thing for most, there is an adjustment period and a lot of unknowns and myths. For instance, how do I change my ostomy bag? Will I stink? What if I have an accident in public? Can I ever play sports again? Or exercise? Or go swimming?

In short– is it easy? No. Will it be fine? Yes, yes and yes. But for a little expanded information and peace of mind, we can go into a little more detail.

How Do I Change My Ostomy Bag?

You gently peel it off, wipe things off a bit, and put another one on. It really does become as simple as that. But, at first, you’ll hopefully have a specialized ostomy nurse that will teach you how to do it. After your surgery, you likely won’t have to change it yourself the first several times. But, you should practice doing it and will be better off if you make the effort to know how before you leave the hospital. It also helps to know what the standards of care should be for ostomy patients and speak out before you are discharged and sent on your way.

If you did not have access to a certified ostomy nurse in your hospital be sure to seek one out. You can also find a Wound, Ostomy and Continence (WOC) Nurse or an Ostomy Management Specialist (OMS) through product manufacturers and telehealth services.

Will My Ostomy Bag Leak?

At first, Yes. It likely will. You might even get really frustrated in the beginning because you can’t seem to put it on as well as the nurse in the hospital. Even if you put it on “perfectly” and follow all the steps your ostomy pouch can still leak. You’ll get the hang of it, though. Every ostomy and everybody is different. You’ll learn what supplies you need, where to get them, and how to use them to make sure the fit is just right.

While you might be hesitant to leave the house for a while, you’ll soon feel totally confident going anywhere you want, any time you want. And better yet? You won’t be constantly worried about being near a bathroom! There’s always the risk of a leak, though. But it won’t be a big deal. You’ll be able to detect it quickly and take care of it.

Will I Smell?

No. If the appliance is attached correctly, you should never stink. No one will be able to smell you. You can be as close as you want to other people. You can go out and be in a crowded bar and nobody will know you have an ostomy bag. There are also plenty of clothing and garment options to fit well with your pouch and conceal it from anyone ever knowing – if that’s how you choose to approach it.

If you do ever smell, that means you need to check your pouch for any leaks or openings allowing odor to escape. And if you happen to be in public, you can carry tape or any of a variety of things to sneak off into the bathroom and do a quick fix. Will it be uncomfortable or scary the first time it happens? Yes. Will having an ostomy bag eventually become second nature and you won’t even really think or worry about it? Yes.

(Quick note: The answer to a lot of questions about having an ostomy is that “you’ll figure it out” or “you’ll become comfortable” because everything will be new when you first have an ostomy bag. There’s no step-by-step guide. There will be frustrations. Maybe some tears. It’s an adjustment. Nobody just has ostomy surgery, learns to put on a pouch, and then goes about their business. You will have issues. You may have some stained clothes and probably need to change your bedsheets one or two times. But, you will figure it out.)

Can I Do Whatever I Want?

Generally speaking, yes. Of course, this depends on every unique situation, and only you and your doctor can accurately answer this question. But, in general, you’ll be able to do whatever you want. Simply having an ostomy won’t restrict you from doing anything. You might even be able to do a whole lot more than you could before.

You’ll be able to go swimming, play rugby, do mixed martial arts, teach yoga, travel the world, go on dates, and do anything you were physically capable of before having surgery. All without worrying about being in constant pain or eating the wrong thing or needing to run to the bathroom every five minutes. However, make sure to wait 6-8 weeks or until your doctor approves you for any strenuous physical activity before winning the local 5k again. (Perhaps you’ll even want to take part in UOAA’s own Ostomy 5k.)

Getting An Ostomy Is Totally Worth It

All the details about how to change your ostomy pouch where to get supplies, and when you can go back to doing the things you love will get worked out. But the important thing to remember is that having ostomy surgery is going to be totally worth it. Even if your head is spinning now about what life will be like, it will calm down.

And also remember that you’re not alone. One of the best ways to prepare is to call or visit an ostomy support and information group before you have surgery. Many others have been through the same process and are more than eager to offer a listening ear and emotional support. UOAA also offers a new ostomy patient guide and has tons of online resources to get you started on the right path.

You’ll get the hang of everything, then look back and be so grateful that you are a warrior. Countless other ostomates will tell you the same thing. That is, when they’re not busy living an incredible life they wouldn’t have otherwise.

You got this!

 

Robin Glover is a writer based in the Houston area. He has a permanent ostomy after being diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease in 2017.

Reach Out for Ostomy Support

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You are not alone, A Community of Support is Here to Help

By Ellyn Mantell

Upon returning from a day of errands, my hands full of packages and bags of food, the phone rings, and it is a familiar call. It is from a woman who is fighting tears (this I recognize from the many calls I receive) and immediately, bags and packages left on the floor, I go into SUPPORT mode. I imagine this lady has used every bit of determination and perhaps energy she has to call a total stranger to discuss the most intimate details of her health and anatomy. She needs my full and undivided attention, because if I am remiss in that area, she may never reach out for help again. Before we even move past the pleasantries of conversation (hello, how are you?) I know she has been through so much. She will tell me the details, and each survivor is unique, but I already know she is scared, suffering and feeling terribly alone.

This lady tells me she is extremely disappointed because she just discovered that her colostomy, which resulted from the loss of some of her colon, will not be reversed, as she had hoped. It is too dangerous, and her ulcerative colitis is rearing its ugly head. Instead of the reversal, she needs her colon and rectum removed, and will, therefore, have an ileostomy. It has taken her a year, she tells me, to accept what she thought was a temporary colostomy, and now she will need a permanent ileostomy. Not only is her head spinning, but she is feeling like she has lost total control of her life.

These are feelings we all have, and my heart is right there with her as she laments the loss of yet another part of her body. Looking ahead to at least another major surgery, we discuss the fact that she is in mourning and grieving, and then her tears began to flow. I tell her to please cry, sob, let out her feelings, whatever they may be, I am up to the task of listening and comforting. After all, I have had 23 major abdominal surgeries…I have had my share of tears and need for comfort.

We end the phone call with each of us making a promise: she will attend our next Ostomy Support Group at Overlook Medical Center in Summit, New Jersey, and I will be there to listen to her fears and concerns as long as she is in need of sharing them. I told her I wear a flower at each of the Support Group meetings I lead, because I have had so many sent to me over the years and that it is a great way of identifying myself to new members. Flowers always bring a smile to others. She will find me the day of the meeting, because I will be waiting in the foyer to bring her in, make her feel comfortable, introduce her to many like herself, and show her how special she is for reaching out and asking for SUPPORT!

Reach Out to a UOAA Affiliated Support Group near you and learn more about the emotional impact of ostomy surgery.

Ellyn Mantell is a UOAA advocate and Affiliated Support Group leader from New Jersey. You can follow her personal blog at morethanmyostomy

 

Tag Archive for: Ostomy Support Group

Ostomy Group Cruise 2026

The South Palm Beach County Ostomy Support Group is making arrangements for their 4th Annual ‘Ostomy’ Group Cruise on Celebrity Reflection through Victor Voyages. This 4-night cruise will be departing out of Ft. Lauderdale, Florida on Monday, December 7, 2026. The cruise will include stops in Key West, Florida and Nassau, Bahamas, with 1 day at Sea, returning to Ft. Lauderdale on Friday, December 11th. You will have your choice of Celebrity Summit Veranda Rooms, which includes a balcony and amenities. CLICK HERE to visit the Support Group’s website to learn more about the rooms, pricing and amenities.

If you are considering booking this cruise, please make your $200 REFUNDABLE Deposit by March 31, 2026 to hold your stateroom. The deposit is refundable until September 23rd when the balance is due.

For more information, pricing and to make your deposit to secure your stateroom, please contact Lenny Victor with Victor Voyages at len@victorvoyages.com or 954-263-5126.