Bruce and I were so young when we met at a dance, and for the first two decades of our married lives we never thought about life-altering health issues. And then in 1993, I had my first major bowel obstruction caused by an adhesion from a hysterectomy three months before. Suddenly we heard words like peritonitis, bowel resection and small bowel blockages. That vocabulary grew as the ramifications of 22 abdominal surgeries caused more and more scar tissue and concomitant problems. Finally, three years ago, after agonizing episodes and continuous visits to the emergency room, my surgeon and I agreed that it was time to see if an ileostomy would provide some relief.
I virtually bounced into the room with my ostomy nurse as she prepared to mark me right before my surgery, so hopeful that the tide would finally turn. She then walked us to the operating room prep area, preparing me for what was to come. But nothing prepared me for the way I saw myself the first time in my own full-length mirror. My body had betrayed me and I was now “marked” in a very different way. I looked to my lifelong dance partner with tears in my eyes.
Bruce took me in his arms and told me that not only did he love me, but that he had such respect and admiration for me, and I suppose “Lily,” as I refer to my stoma. My mother was Lillian and she gave me my first life, while Lily gave me my new life, and with that a sense that I can do anything. And the best news is that instead of spending time in the emergency and operating rooms, we have time to dance…even closer than ever before!
By the way, I am very proud to say that I am the president of my Ostomy Support Group in New Jersey, and I never miss an opportunity to welcome new or prospective members…how wonderful to be associated with this new life I so desperately needed, and so very much appreciate!