Tag Archive for: Longtime ostomate

Gloria the Phoenix

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Remembering Gloria by Bob Kwiatkowski

Gloria and I met by chance in November of 1969. I was driving with a friend down 8 mile road in Detroit. Gloria was with two of her friends in a car that passed us by. We caught up and started flirting with them.

I asked if they would want to meet us at a popular pizza place in Detroit.

We were surprised that they did meet us there. While my friend talked to Gloria’s two friends I talked to her. Within minutes I thought “I want to Marry this girl” She bowled me over.

We went out every day afterward and three days later, I asked her to marry me. She said “Yes but I have to tell you something, I have an ostomy.” Gloria went on to explain that she was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis at six years old. She said that she spent a lot of time worrying about where the bathrooms were, what she ate, etc. her sisters said that she was always in and out of a Children’s Hospital.

She was later properly diagnosed with Crohn’s disease. She said the surgery totally changed her life for the better, she put on weight was able to eat things she never could before. I didn’t fully understand it but I told her that if it saved her life, it was sure worth it.

Embracing Life

She was her senior class President, the first female class president. She graduated with Honors from Wayne State University and she worked for the Michigan Cancer Society for over forty years (later renamed the Karmanos Cancer Institute)

We married in 1971 and had 54 totally awesome years together.

I loved and was blessed with a wonderful women– who just happened to have a stoma.

She was so much fun. We both loved live music and attended over 100 concerts in life. She was my concert buddy.

We’re big Detroit football fans and have had Lions season tickets for 45+ years. Gloria was my Lions Football buddy.

I learned about Rolf Benirschke’s organization in the Phoenix Magazine. We were huge fans. We watched many of his games as an NFL placekicker. I was able to contact and talk to him and it is great to see all he has accomplished since.

Medical Challenges

Gloria had 28 major surgeries in life, breast cancer, a total hysterectomy, and many stoma revisions including one in 2000 at the Cleveland Clinic. Peritonitis twice, nothing ever got her down, she was always positive. Always joking with the doctors and nurses prior to and after surgery.

Gloria always worried about everyone but herself. She had four sisters and they’ve all been healthy, Gloria told me she was glad that she got everything rather than her sisters.

She loved UOAA and the Crohn’s and Colitis foundation. She volunteered with the local chapter in her younger days.

Caregiving

Luckily, I learned how to change her ostomy pouch. Gloria was in and out of hospitals in her last year, she died from a fungal infection that did not respond to anti-fungal’s. Gloria was on Imuran for 30 years, it really helped with Crohn’s flair ups but infectious disease Docs felt it allowed the fungus to roost in her body. The fungus was first spotted in one of Gloria’s lungs in 2022, Dyflucam took care of it but was not effective when it returned in 2023/24.

What really surprised me was the lack of knowledge concerning ostomies by nurses and aides. I would often return to the hospital and rehab center at all hours to help her change, to empty her pouch etc. I considered it an honor to be able to help her. Not everyone was like that. Nurses told me there is not much time spent in Nursing Schools regarding ostomies and their care.

I joined a private Ostomy Facebook group and it deeply saddens me that folks have such a negative attitude there toward life with an ostomy. Our life together was awesome, and she was an amazing wife, and I think people should know their lives are not over.

A Phoenix

Gloria was a huge Harry Potter fan and she loved “The Order of the Phoenix” a secret organization that fights evil. I ordered a shirt with their crest and asked them to change the date from 1971 to 1967, the year Gloria had her surgery she always said it saved her life. She considered “67” to be her lucky number.

It’s great to be able to recognize Gloria in UOAA’s Phoenix Society  and with a donation in her honor, advance a mission of ostomy education, support and advocacy.

We also LOVED the Phoenix magazine and will miss it, but think she would be pleased that this article could be something positive for other ostomates to enjoy.

May wife had many medical issues during her life but she faced each challenge with a smile, joking and always positive.

She was always there for me and loved by many. There were over 200 people at her funeral. We’re Catholic and I consider Gloria my greatest blessing in life by far.

I loved and was blessed with a wonderful women– who just happened to have a stoma.

73 Years with an Ostomy

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Remembering Ruth Fawley

By Ed Pfueller, UOAA Communications and Outreach Manager

In 1950, Ruth Fawley celebrated her 21st birthday, but the following decade was spent mainly in hospitals. Her ulcerative colitis led to an ostomy in 1951 and multiple unsuccessful intestinal surgeries. At one point, she was in a life-threatening coma for a week. Considering her health struggles, few people at the time might have predicted she would live an active life and reach the age of ninety-four before her passing in 2024.

A turning point in Fawley’s life came with her introduction to Dr. Harry Ellicott Bacon, Professor and Chairman of the Department of Proctology at Temple University Hospital in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. He performed ileostomy revisions and subsequent surgeries that ultimately allowed her to lead a more normal life.

Dr. Bacon was an internationally renowned and innovative surgeon who prioritized the emotional well-being of his patients. He invited Ruth to a peer support group for women with ostomies and related surgeries.

Ruth worked as an executive secretary and while working at the travel magazine Holiday met many well-known authors, likely sparking her lifelong passion for travel.

She married her longtime husband, J. Russell Fawley, Jr., in 1959. When it came to starting a family, doctors at that time were not sure if a woman with an ileostomy could get pregnant and give birth. “She would later joke that out of the nineteen surgeries she endured, the only time she left the hospital with more than she went in with was when she had her two Cesareans,” remembers her daughter Nancy Fawley.

She thinks her mother would want fellow ostomates reading this article, “To be inspired and know you can have a family, travel and have a long normal life with an ostomy.”

Nancy says her mother was a wonderful cook and loved to garden. Ruth loved the water, whether swimming at the Jersey Shore or doing near-daily water aerobics later in life. Ruth also had a keen artistic eye, loved to sew and was well-known for the dynamic use of colors in her quilts.

Like many of her generation, Ruth carried on quietly in life with an ostomy but had to manage the challenges of short bowel from her many surgeries. She was a longtime supporter and member of UOA and UOAA and an avid reader of The Phoenix Magazine.

A June 2011 article on Army Pilot Bob Cuyler’s story of flying in a combat zone with an ostomy inspired her to write a letter to him. He responded in kind by sending her a Presentation Flag his unit took into active duty, which she cherished for years after. In her return letter, she thanks Cuyler for his service and fortitude and shares that even finding ostomy appliances was difficult in those early days. “An ileostomy was not spoken of and I know the humiliation, embarrassment and stigma attached to it,” she shared. But her sense of humor shines through as she ends her letter joking that the old Ostomy Quarterly magazines used to arrive in plain brown paper wrappers, leading her neighbor to think she was getting Playboy Magazine!

“If I get to the gates of heaven and still have this ostomy pouch I’m turning around!”

Nancy says that her mother shared many Phoenix articles with her over the years so she would have a better understanding of her condition. “I relied on this information when I worked with doctors, health care professionals and hospice caregivers who had little to no experience with patients with an ileostomy,” Nancy says.

In honor of her mother’s memory, Nancy has donated to UOAA at The Phoenix Society Diamond level in part because of UOAA’s continued commitment to ostomy education for both patients and medical professionals.

In her later years, Ruth herself became a caretaker for her husband as he battled with Parkinson’s disease and dementia before his death in 2014. During this time, she created a striking quilt with dynamic colors she entitled “meltdown.” Ruth’s colors live on in the many quilts she gifted to family and friends.

In her final months, Nancy got to hear more stories of her mother’s travels in England and France and a doctor’s direction that a bit of scotch can help in digestion. She thinks her mother would want fellow ostomates reading this article, “To be inspired and know you can have a family, travel and have a long normal life with an ostomy.”

At the end of her 94-years she had just about enough of dealing with it though, “If I get to the gates of heaven and still have this ostomy pouch I’m turning around!” she told her daughter. The amazing mix of humor and resilience required after 73 years with an ostomy still shining through.

 

The Phoenix Society recognizes those individuals who are able to sustain and/or increase their total annual donation of $500 or more during each calendar year. Become a member of The Phoenix Society or donate at any level to help UOAA fulfill its mission to promote the quality of life for people with ostomies and continent diversions through information, support, advocacy, and collaboration. UOAA is thankful for those who give, including Nancy Fawley and the other Diamond and Ruby Level members listed below.