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A patient who did not know what to expect walks you through the process (with photos)

By AnneMarie Finn

According to UOAA information on this website, a urostomy is “a surgically created opening in the abdominal wall through which urine passes. A urostomy may be performed when the bladder is either not functioning or has to be removed. There are several different types of surgeries, but the most common are ileal conduit and colonic conduit. Reasons for surgery include bladder cancer, spinal cord injuries, malfunction such as chronic infection of the bladder and birth defects such as spina bifida.” Great definition, but what does it mean? When I was told I would need a radical cystectomy, leading to an ileal conduit I had no clue. The following is my experience.

Because of bladder cancer, my bladder needed to be removed and a new way to pass urine created. Due to the location of the tumor, my urethra was also removed so my surgeon and I settled on an ileal conduit, a conventional urostomy. It is called ileal conduit because a piece of the ileum, or small bowel, is used to make a passage for urine to go from the kidneys and ureters out of the body. The other end is brought out through a hole in the abdomen where urine exits through a stoma (more on that shortly). It is known as an incontinent urinary diversion because you cannot control the urine. As a result, a collection bag or pouch hangs from your abdomen to catch the urine. The pouch is not visible as it is worn under your clothes. Still not clear? It wasn’t for me either.

A couple of days before surgery, I met with an ostomy nurse at the hospital where I would be receiving my surgery. She marked where the stoma would be placed. She saw how I wore my pants. She had me sit, stand, lay down, and bend over, She drew a mark with a marker about 2.5 inches to the right and 3 inches down from my navel and covered it with a waterproof dressing. This would guide the surgeon as to the optimal spot to place the stoma. The surgeon had the ultimate call on where the stoma went, depending on the surgery itself. I also met with a nurse for a pre-op appointment. They went through the typical exam and then explained the ERAS protocol to me. ERAS, Enhanced Recovery After Surgery, is used at my hospital for radical cystectomies. They no longer use a bowel prep. You drink a high carbohydrate drink in the hours prior to your surgery. They get you up walking and feed you by the day after surgery. The goal is to keep your bowels working. This reduces the length of hospital stay and the number of complications.

This is major surgery. It is considered one of the most complex cancer surgeries performed. My surgery took 7 hours. They removed the bladder, urethra, uterus, cervix, fallopian tubes, an ovary, and some lymph nodes. When I woke up, I had a bag, a large incision with more than 30 staples and a Jackson Pratt (JP) drain on my abdomen. I also had intermittent pneumatic compression (IPC) devices on my legs, my spa legs. Blood clots are a common side effect of a radical cystectomy. Because of that, I also received daily prophylaxis blood thinner shots in my belly for 30 days. I was not in a great deal of pain which was easily managed with Tylenol. I was definitely weak, but otherwise ok. I went home in 4 days, on my own with my urostomy.

The stoma is the badge of the urostomy. My stoma is about one inch in diameter. It is pretty round, It sticks out. It sometimes moves in and out. You can’t feel it. It has been described as looking like a rosebud. It is red. This is where the urine exits the body. You have no control over it. Sometimes it will also expel mucus. Some people name them. I did.
Rudolph, my red, round stoma

You use a urine collection pouch, or bag, to catch the urine. The hospital will send you home with some so you do not need to have them on hand before you get home. There are many different brands. In fact, until I found what worked best for me, I tried most of them. My pouch is about 8 inches long, 6-7 inches wide and has a 1-2 inch closable spout on the bottom. It also is a deep convex bag as my stoma does not stick out very far and it helps protect my skin. I prefer the clear bag so I can see the stoma and center it when I put it on. There are both one and two-piece bags. I have used both. One-piece pouches have the bag and a skin barrier attached. The skin barrier has adhesive, also called a flange or wafer, that sticks to your skin. There is a hole that goes over the stoma. Some are pre-cut, some are not. If not, you must cut a hole slightly bigger than your stoma before putting it on. There are also two-piece systems. The bags are separate from the skin barrier. They are attached by a Tupperware-like seal. You can leave the skin barrier on and take off the pouch.

Front and back of 1 piece, deep convex pouch

I change my pouch every 3 days. I like to remove the old pouch and take a shower with it off. I feel so free. To remove, I use an adhesive removal spray and wipes to clean the skin. I shower and wash the area around the stoma with soap and dandruff shampoo, which contains Zinc. Some people wash with a vinegar and water combo. If I change without showering, I just use plain water to rinse. After showering, I use a hairdryer on the lowest setting to dry the skin around the stoma so the wafer sticks to it. Drying your skin is important. I have some skin issues so I also use a skin barrier protective sheet, that I cut a hole to match the opening of the wafer, and a cohesive seal.

Protective Sheet with hole cut out and Cohesive Seal

Some people use powders, paste, barrier wipes, etc. I do not. It took a lot of trial and error to find what worked best for me. You need to find what works for you. One of the best ways to do this is to work with an ostomy nurse. They can help you navigate ordering and finding the best system for you.
At night, I use the urinary drainage bag they sent me home with from the hospital. For me, it works the best. There are several brands of night bags and even jugs. I put it on the floor next to my bed inside of a small wastebasket. This has been key as the drain has opened (or been left open) and the wastebasket collected the urine, preventing a rug catastrophe. I am a very active sleeper and I am not really hindered too much from my bag. I am able to sleep on my back, sides, and stomach. Don’t be afraid to sleep. People add their own tubing and tube placement strategies. Use whatever works for you. I also highly recommend a waterproof mattress pad. Mattresses are expensive. I also use the night drainage bag on long car trips. I don’t have to stop and use those disgusting public toilets. I even used it during the Avengers finale. I was probably the only person in the theater who did not have to get up to use the facilities during the movie! People were actually jealous.

Night Drainage Pouch

I honestly can’t even feel my pouch. I empty it every 1-2 hours, depending on how much I drink. Sometimes there is a “ghost” feeling where my bladder used to be making it feel like I have to pee. Ah, the good old days. It is actually a weird sensation drinking a lot and not feeling like I have to go. The bag is not noticeable under my clothes. I really do wear what I wore before surgery: jeans, sheath dresses, shorts, and bathing suits. I am still sexually active. Having gone through this experience with my wonderful caregiver, my husband, has brought us closer. Most importantly, I am cancer-free.

If you are wondering how to do core exercises safely with an ostomy and activate your core muscles this is the video for you. Peristomal hernias is one issue people hope to avoid through core strengthening. More information on developing hernias after ostomy surgery can be found as part of UOAA’s New Ostomy Patient Guide.

If you are active and have fully recovered from surgery here are simple exercises anyone can do as well as some exercises you can build up to. Always consult with your doctor before starting an exercise regimen.

Make sure to grab your FREE GUIDE: ‘3 simple ways to eliminate fears about your ostomy” by visiting Elaine’s website www.ElaineOrourke.com

Elaine O’Rourke is the creator of the program “Surviving To Thriving: Overcoming Ostomy Challenges So You Can Live a FulFilling Life”. She is a certified Yoga Therapist & Teacher since 2003, Sound Healer, EFT & Reiki Practitioner, Recording Artist and International Retreat Leader. Her lighthearted and fun personality shines through her teachings/programs as she loves to inspire others. She is a contributing writer to the national Phoenix Magazine and UOAA, presenter at the UOAA National Conference and speaker at Girls with Guts retreat.  

Web: www.elaineorourke.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ostomyibdlife/ 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elaineorourkeyoga/ 

Email: Elaine@ElaineOrourke.com 

Bladder cancer and urostomy surgery do not stop Annemarie from living her best life.

I am a bag lady. I am highly educated and employed, yet carry a bag wherever I go. I don’t leave home without it. Because of bladder cancer, I have a urostomy. Like many other women, it took some time for my diagnosis. At 57, many of the symptoms I experienced were attributed to my age: menopause, UTIs, kidney stones, fibroids, etc. Thanks to the fibroids, I was scheduled for an ultrasound. It was my gynecologist who found the bladder tumor. She referred me to a urologist. In fact, she insisted. Her office called to make sure I followed through. I met that week with a local urologist. He did a scope. I saw him look at the nurse, concern written on both their faces. He started talking about surgery and apologizing for the diagnosis. In my naivete’, I had gone to the appointment by myself. I don’t remember him even saying the words, but I had bladder cancer.

Scans and a transurethral resection of a bladder tumor (TURBT) were scheduled for the following week. Usually an outpatient procedure, I was in the hospital for 4 days due to heavy bleeding after the TURBT. The tumor was large and the doctor couldn’t get it all but he thought it had penetrated the muscle. Unfortunately, the pathology was inconclusive so he did another TURBT the following week. The outcomes were exactly the same so we both decided my best chances were for a second opinion at Dana-Farber Cancer Institute in Boston. Throughout our discussions, he explained what my future might entail. It looked likely that they were going to have to remove the bladder and I would either have a new “bladder” or a bag. Quite honestly, I had no idea what it entailed, but I was horrified.

Dana-Farber is an amazing place. I had a whole team in place: a medical oncologist, an oncology urologist, a nephrologist, among others. The plan was an MRI to confirm the tumor’s pathology, a nephrostomy tube, chemotherapy and, if the cancer had not spread, a radical cystectomy. If it had spread, I would not need surgery but would be eligible for palliative care. Who would have thought surgery is the best case scenario. Due to claustrophobia, and despite anesthesia and Ativan, I moved so the MRI was inconclusive. I needed another TURBT. Thanks to my new amazing surgeon, the tumor was removed and the passage to my kidney was cleared. The pathology of the tumor showed no spread to the muscle and an ultrasound showed no more kidney hydronephrosis. Even better, I would no longer require chemotherapy. I did try immunotherapy with BCG but it did not work. The cancer was aggressive so we had to treat it aggressively. My radical cystectomy was scheduled for January 25, 2019.

It took me a long time to get there. I even asked what would happen if I did not receive the surgery. I would be dead in a year.

Wow, that was sobering. Because of the proximity of the tumor, I did not qualify for a neobladder. I would have to have a urostomy. Every time I talked about it, or even thought about it, I cried. I felt like I was going to be a freak. I offered my husband a divorce if he wanted one. I was devastated and frightened. I have learned that fear of the unknown and our imaginations are far worse than the reality. While so much of what had happened to me was out of my control, I did have control over one thing: HOW I handled everything. I decided knowledge was power. I was fortunate. My hospital had a class for urostomy candidates. For the first time, I was able to see an actual urostomy pouch. I was given hands-on instruction on how to change a bag. I met ostomy nurses (the best people in the world!) who would be helping me.

I decided I would be the one to handle my changes, right from the start. I would take control.

My surgery lasted 7 hours. I needed a transfusion but things went well otherwise. The surgery was not easy. People have described it as feeling like you were hit by a bus. I never really had any pain. It was easily managed with Tylenol. However, I was so weak. I eventually needed an iron transfusion. The one thing I wish I had gotten for my return home was a shower chair. Showers were the worst for me. It took me two months to feel more like myself and another month before I felt ready to return to work. I also cannot say enough about getting a good ostomy nurse. I have been described as a delicate flower (surprising to those who know me). I have very sensitive skin. The nurse was a Godsend to me in trying to manage all of my skin issues. After my visiting nurse visits ended, I continued to see the ostomy nurses at the hospital where I had my surgery. It took a year but, through trial and error, I finally have gotten a handle on things.

I had a few leaks. They were usually caused by user error. They were not the huge floods I expected. Honestly, none of this was as awful as I expected. So many people said this would be my “new normal”. I can’t stand that term. I call it my new reality. There isn’t anything normal about having a urostomy. However, it is very doable. I now wear two-piece bathing suits. I didn’t before. I am wearing the same clothes as I did before. I can kayak, hike, ride my bike, swim for hours, anything I did before. I was here for the birth of my first grandchild. I am back to work, a job that I love. I am not shy about talking about my bag to others. It is not a secret. In fact, I am kind of proud of it. I am alive and life is good.

Summer is coming and it is the perfect time to not let your ostomy define who you are or what you are able to do. Enjoy these wellness tips by Elaine O’Rourke. In this video Elaine shares her insights into diet, getting moving again, confidence and even her passion for surfing.

“Look at your mindset, that may be what is holding you back not your ostomy.”

 

Make sure to grab your FREE GUIDE: ‘3 simple ways to eliminate fears about your ostomy” by visiting Elaine’s website www.ElaineOrourke.com

Elaine O’Rourke is the creator of the program “Surviving To Thriving: Overcoming Ostomy Challenges So You Can Live a FulFilling Life”. She is a certified Yoga Therapist & Teacher since 2003, Sound Healer, EFT & Reiki Practitioner, Recording Artist and International Retreat Leader. Her lighthearted and fun personality shines through her teachings/programs as she loves to inspire others. She is a contributing writer to the national Phoenix Magazine and UOAA, presenter at the UOAA National Conference and speaker at Girls with Guts retreat.  

Web: www.elaineorourke.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ostomyibdlife/ 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elaineorourkeyoga/ 

Email: Elaine@ElaineOrourke.com 

Imagine being your 15-year-old self again. What did that feel like? Young, carefree, happy…healthy?
For me, I felt all of those things every day. I played the clarinet, got good grades, was athletic from running track, active in school/church clubs and had amazing family/friends. What more could I want as a teenager?

I didn’t want for anything until one day I no longer felt like my healthy self anymore and all I wanted was to be healthy again. This is when my life changed forever…

It was November of 2012, at the time I had just moved to Los Angeles, California with my mother from Maryland. I was very excited to move and support my mom with her new job opportunity. She is like my best friend and nurturer at the same time. It was always just her and I growing up, no siblings. California’s scenery was colorful and vibrant. All I could picture were the great things my future would bring living there.

That picture flipped upside down within weeks. I could feel my stomach expressing to me that it didn’t like the chicken nuggets or the pepperoni pizza, I was feeding it. Sharp pains that felt like knives were sticking me each time I would eat, pushed me to never want to pick up another piece of food again. No over-the-counter medicine could relieve the amount of pain I would feel. Sick little me sat helplessly with my mother by my side in Ronald Regan UCLA Medical Center’s emergency room waiting to be admitted and seen by a doctor. I thought to myself, “What was happening to me? I don’t understand.”

I couldn’t understand. I was just fine a month ago. My mom was just as confused as I was. The doctors weren’t transparent enough with my diagnosis and had trouble figuring out what was the actual problem. After a few tests, I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis/Crohn’s disease. This diagnosis soon changed once the gastrointestinal team at UCLA Medical Center (UCLAMC) realized it was strictly my colon that was being affected which changed my diagnosis to ulcerative colitis.

I had no idea what ulcerative colitis was nor had I ever heard of it before. My current gastroenterologist, Dr. Ziring, asked who in my family had the disease but I wasn’t familiar with anyone. My father, mother, and grandparents didn’t have any trace of ulcerative colitis. It was concluded that the change in climate and stress could have taken a toll on my body to make me flare-up. I couldn’t eat certain foods anymore. I was prescribed all types of medication that I had never seen and forced to take pills that were pretty huge to swallow.

Lacee Harper with her mother.

Nearly one month spent in the hospital, my routine had changed. I would wake up take my meds first, eat (liquid-solid foods), watch TV, read a book, walk around to gain my strength and repeat at least three times a day. Once I was released, I remember being so happy to be a normal person again. That feeling went away when my mom took me to buy nutritional drinks to restore my protein, vitamins, and minerals. I couldn’t fit into any of my clothes from the amount of weight I lost and my toned body went away. Dr. Ziring told me that I would live with this forever because there is no cure, which I didn’t want to believe. All I could do was try to understand and educate why my body reacted the way it did to certain foods, activities and mental stability.

Fast forward to 2013 where I moved back to Maryland with my mother, I was enrolled back in my previous high school and actively seeing, pediatric gastroenterologist, Dr. Oliva-Hemker at John Hopkin’s hospital. I couldn’t do any of the previous extracurricular activities I participated in and could only workout at a minimal intensity due to my low blood counts. Throughout the school year, I experienced many flare-ups and trial/error with different medications. Some hospitalizations were longer than others and overtime I became stricter with my diet to prevent excessive flare-ups. My high school graduation wasn’t the best time for me because I was experiencing a severe flare-up that interfered with my ability to keep food down. I missed my senior week summer trip to recover in the hospital and get back to feeling better again.

After graduating from high school, I switched gastroenterologists since I was considered an adult. Dr. Rosen had been my mom’s gastroenterologist for years so the transition was smooth. I was stabilized on Humira and Prednisone throughout my community college career. By then, my mother and I had moved to Atlanta where the weather was nicer. I think the weather, being around family/friends and less stress I experienced helped my flare-ups calm down living in Atlanta. I truly enjoyed my time there and experiencing college at Georgia State University, as well as working part-time.

Lacee recently graduated with a master’s degree from the S.I. Newhouse School of Communications at Syracuse University.

Once I completed my first two years of college and received my associate’s degree, I transferred to Syracuse University (SU) to achieve my bachelor’s degree. This was one of the hardest transitions of my life moving from the South to the cold North. My third year of college and first-year being away at a university led to my body experiencing an extreme transition which resulted in three severe flare-ups. My mother left Atlanta and moved back to Maryland to be closer to me because she was terrified of how sick I was getting. Each time I flared up, I flew home to get the treatment from Dr. Rosen. Suddenly, Humira no longer worked for my body anymore and Prednisone wasn’t healthy for me to keep using to reduce inflammation due to its side effects.

During senior year, my 3-week hospitalization interfered with my academics and involvement in extracurricular activities. At this time, I was advised to try Entyvio and I was tired of trying new medications. The only way I could have some quality of life was to remove my colon. My mom was concerned for me, but I couldn’t let her concerns steer my thinking I knew I had to do this for me if I wanted to make it to graduation.

In November of 2017, I set an appointment with Dr. Colvin in Northern Virginia to discuss my surgery. I had the surgery during my college winter break, spent Christmas in the hospital, recovered and returned back to school. At the time, I didn’t know how I was going to apply to graduate school at the S.I. Newhouse School of Communications at SU but I did that during my recovery period. It took a lot of exercise, mental motivation, empathy and support from family, my best friends, mentors and peers at school. With amazing grace and good spirits, I got accepted into the public relations program at the S.I. Newhouse School of Communications.

From this specific point on, learning how to function in everyday life with my ostomy took a lot of patience, time, emotional breakdowns, motivation and positive mental strength. I don’t regret any of it at all. I do not have to worry about missing out or not fully enjoying any more important events of my life. Now as of 2020, I have been medication-free for two full years, graduated school with all of my degrees, feel healthier than ever, working full-time in public relations and am actively pursuing my dreams in the entertainment (modeling/tv/film) industry.

It wasn’t until a couple of months ago, I discovered United Ostomy Association of America (UOAA) and chose to reach out to Advocacy Manager Jeanine Gleba about getting more involved. Since reaching out, I have gained the opportunity to advocate for patient’s access to treatment during the Digestive Disease National Coalition Day on the Hill and spoke on the behalf of UOAA. I am elated to have met UOAA’s team and to represent others like myself who have experienced challenging obstacles.

I couldn’t be more grateful for my ostomy and must say that it changed my life for the good. Life is full of obstacles but how you choose to overcome them will make your life. I chose to take full control of my life in order to have a better quality of life. It doesn’t matter who you are, you can truly do whatever you put your mind to. Believing in yourself and staying grounded in positivity, motivation and dedication is key. Follow your dreams, find what makes you happy and don’t let the negatives take control of your life.

By Elaine O’Rourke

With the increased and heightened attention on the coronavirus, it is naturally creating a lot of fear and anxiety. This fear not only affects the mind but also the body. Right now, you want to keep your immune system strong and focus on calming your mind and nervous system and of course use necessary precautions.

Proper Breathing, as well as other techniques, will help reduce cortisol levels (one of the stress hormones that can wreak havoc in your body) and helps promote the relaxation response in the body.

Deep focused breathing has so many benefits and there is a lot more science behind what the ancient yogi’s already knew. As a long time yoga teacher, I know firsthand how amazing proper breathing is. I credit it for helping me recover from surgeries much faster and for regaining strength. Wim Hof (the Iceman) has been instrumental in recent years for promoting the benefits through his method. Many scientific studies have been done on him proving that you can control the autonomic nervous system and immune response. The following is a basic guided breathing and relaxation video. 

Make sure to grab your FREE GUIDE: ‘3 simple ways to eliminate fears about your ostomy” by visiting Elaine’s website www.ElaineOrourke.com

Elaine O’Rourke is the creator of the program “Surviving To Thriving: Overcoming Ostomy Challenges So You Can Live a FulFilling Life”. She is a certified Yoga Therapist & Teacher since 2003, Sound Healer, EFT & Reiki Practitioner, Recording Artist and International Retreat Leader. Her lighthearted and fun personality shines through her teachings/programs as she loves to inspire others. She is a contributing writer to the national Phoenix Magazine and UOAA, presenter at the UOAA National Conference and speaker at Girls with Guts retreat.  

Web: www.elaineorourke.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ostomyibdlife/ 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elaineorourkeyoga/ 

Email: Elaine@ElaineOrourke.com 

Let’s Debunk These Common Ostomy Myths

 

 

 

After ostomy surgery, you may find helpful tips from other people living with an ostomy in online communities, support groups, forums and more. Weeding through the fact and fiction can be difficult. We asked certified ostomy nurses to outline some of the most common myths they hear to provide you with the truth about living with an ostomy.

 

Myth: Only use the ostomy pouching system that you were fitted with in the hospital or doctor’s office.

Fact: In the weeks and months following ostomy surgery, you may find your stoma and body changing. In the first few weeks and months post-surgery, your ostomy pouching system may need to be changed also.

 

Myth: All ostomy products are the same. It doesn’t matter what type of pouching system you wear.

Fact: There are a large variety of ostomy products available to fit the needs of each person living with an ostomy.

 

Myth: Your stoma should not change size a few months after surgery.

Fact: In the weeks and months following ostomy surgery, your stoma may change in size and appearance.

 

Myth: Having skin irritation is a normal way of life with an ostomy.

Fact: If the skin around your stoma becomes damaged, it could be painful and lead to infection. Prevention is the key to maintaining both healthy peristomal skin and your comfort.

 

Myth: If you have an ostomy, your significant other will not love you the same way.

Fact: It is common to have anxiety about relationships following ostomy surgery. Be open and honest with your partner about any concerns you have. Remember, having an ostomy is nothing to be ashamed of.

 

Myth: Odor is a part of life when you have an ostomy.

Fact: You will become more comfortable with your ostomy pouch over time, and will gain confidence in its ability to retain odors.

 

Myth: Now that I have an ostomy, I am no longer able to enjoy the foods I love.

Fact: Right out of surgery, you may be more sensitive to foods than you will be in six months. Slowly add different foods to your diet, and pay attention to your body’s response.

 

Myth: I have a colostomy or ileostomy so I shouldn’t be passing anything from my rectum. 

Fact: The colon or rectum may produce mucus even after ostomy surgery. If you have questions about your output, contact your healthcare professional.

 

Myth: I can’t get my pouch or wafer wet, which means I can’t enjoy water activities or bathe with my pouching system in place.

Fact: You can shower, go swimming, or even get in the hot tub with your pouching system in place. If using a pouch with a filter, cover the filter with the covers provided.

 

Myth: Don’t shower without your ostomy system off.

Fact: You can shower with or without an ostomy system in place.

 

Myth: An ostomy prevents you from wearing stylish, form-fitting clothing. People will be able to see that I have an ostomy.

Fact: Before you had ostomy surgery, did you notice an ostomy pouch on other people in public? Probably not. Try a wrap or special undergarments to help conceal your pouch and increase your confidence.

 

Myth: Insurance doesn’t cover ostomy care, so I am paying out of pocket for my supplies.

Fact: Contact your insurance coverage provider to understand what your insurance plan covers and pays for ostomy supplies.

 

Myth: You should rinse and/or reuse your pouches.

Fact: It is not recommended to rinse or reuse ostomy systems, pouches or wafers. Water can make the barrier break down faster and damage the filter of the filtered pouches.

 

Myth: People living with an ostomy cannot fly, because the cabin pressure can cause the pouch to fail.

Fact: People living with an ostomy can fly, ride in a car, or use any other mode of travel.

 

More information from ConvaTec

Editor’s note: This educational article is from one of our digital sponsors, ConvaTec. Sponsor support along with donations from readers like you help to maintain our website and the free trusted resources of UOAA, a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization.

Don’t Let Your Ostomy Stop You From Dating!

Easing back into the dating scene may feel scary and impossible, it’s normal to want to take your time and get comfortable with your daily routine before tackling dating. It is possible, however, and going on dates might actually help to increase your comfort and confidence.

Finding the Perfect Date Location

When you are ready, choose a location that is familiar to you. If it’s not too far from home and you already know where the restrooms are, you will feel more in control of the situation and it will ease your mind. You can choose to keep the first couple of dates casual and relatively short to ensure your comfort.

You might even want to get together with a close friend who knows about your ostomy and go out shopping for a new outfit, something that will make you feel positive and bold. If the location of the date is unknown to you, use this time to also stop by and get a feel for the environment. It’s fine to want all the information ahead of time so all you need to worry about during your date is seeing if there’s a romantic spark.

Are Things Beginning to Heat Up?

Of course if things are beginning to heat up with someone, you will probably want to think about sharing about your ostomy. Remember that it’s completely up to you when and how to do this. It may be helpful to write down what you want to communicate beforehand to help with your confidence and directness. Feel free to keep it short and then offer to field some questions that your new partner might have. Remember, if a romantic interest can’t accept you as you are, they are not the one for you.

More Resources

If the idea of ostomy sex makes you nervous, it may be helpful to talk to someone who has been down that road before. Speak with someone who has experience living with an ostomy to find out how they navigated similar situations. Your nurse may have information of local networks or support groups. You can start your search to meet others in your situation on our website.

Find our additional information on intimacy and your stoma.

Editor’s note: This article is from one of our digital sponsors, Coloplast. Sponsor support along with donations from readers like you help to maintain our website and the free trusted resources of UOAA, a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization.

It’s Ivan’s 4th Birthday!
Four years ago today my amazing doctors, Dr. Leslie Demars and Dr. Joga Ivatury removed a huge tumor out of my pelvis and I woke up ALIVE and in a colostomy which I named (Ivan) after Dr. Ivatury, for life.
The first thing I asked Dr. Ivatury when I woke up was “did we get the f#@%r?” He smiled and smiled and said yes.

The next thing I asked was “am I in a bag?” He reluctantly said “yes.” My reaction? “Ok now let’s get me out of here so we can go to California.” I was working on a Tyra Banks product line at the time and did not want to miss the opportunity.

I was not always so positive. When I found out I had cancer in 2015 and would possibly be in a colostomy bag for life, I was devastated, to the point where I told my doctor “do NOT put me in a bag” so many times that he had to yell at me and say I have been up nights thinking about your surgery, I have no intention of putting you in a bag HOWEVER my job is to SAVE YOUR LIFE. So well, he was right.

I had such a different view on life when I woke up. God left me here to do some work and I was not going to let HIM down by playing small. I was going to live my life HUGE and give back to this world as much as I can.

I did allow myself to have strong feelings and concerns. “What if it smells, or makes noises or someone bumps it?” I would cry after cancer, but life was not over yet. What am I supposed to learn from this lesson and from what I am going through? It took me a lot of work to get to be okay. We got this one life.

I got up and forced myself to get out anyway. It helped so much that my kids, parents, and sister along with my husband and friends were supportive of me along the way.

I wanted to get back to doing the things I had enjoyed before cancer. One love was competing in Fitness America and WBFF shows in 2010 and 2011, where I placed in the top five in one of the shows I did. I knew I needed to love my body again and decided to tell the world in a live video to let people know to love the body you were given.

LeeAnne Hayden competes with her colostomy pouch and all at the 2017 America Fitness weekend in Las Vegas.

I was talking with my husband and friends and said I think I want to compete with “Ivan.” The second it came out of my mouth everyone was so supportive. I was sponsored for my training, plane, suit, costume, all of it. When I got there after months of training I almost didn’t want to do it. However, I knew I couldn’t let my fear stop me, I had to show everyone what I preached. The costume was great. It was a pair of wings that I could open and expand. I was shaking when I took my first steps out on that stage, I took a deep breath and opened the wings, hit my pose and completely teared up when everyone in the audience stood up clapping, screaming and some of them were crying. (Gosh I am starting to cry writing this) It was the most surreal moment ever. I felt amazing and supported and forgot I even had Ivan while I hit all my posing and walked off the stage to my friends in the back screaming and hugging me. It is a moment I will never forget.

There is such a stigma to ostomies, I have heard stories of how people have given up their lives because they didn’t want to be in one. I think we all need to be more vocal about it. So many more people could be saved. Thank you to UOAA for what you do with ostomy awareness!

That’s the way I’ve spent these last four years and I can’t wait to see where my life goes from here! I want to bring everything I have personally been through to all of you so that you may grow and live the life you want and deserve! Huge thank you to my wonderful doctors, my amazing family, my friends, all of you, and especially to GOD for allowing me to remain.

Whatever you want to do in life hope you run for it.

 

LeeAnne Hayden blogs about her life here and produces the LeeAnne in the City Podcast.